My marriage ceremony was not "Wedding Story" material. I mean, it was like 3 minutes total, I was wearing black (my god - that was an omen...), and it was witnessed by a topless homeless guy. We actually woke him up (he was sleeping on a park bench) while reciting our vows. It was pretty typical of Jason and me, I think. No nonsense, completely non romantic (ie - practical and to the point), and it was over before the bride and groom got bored. My parents hated it. That was kind of the point.

Anyway, at least our wedding wasn't this kind of oddness. Although a corpse would have been a bonus in my department because my mom probably would have fainted.

P.S. - The institution of marriage is such a sham. Don't do it. If you love someone, give your life to them, but don't legally bind yourself to them. It just makes you feel like you've bought into that whole "Stepford Wives" thing.

Jason just posted a marvalously accurate recount of a meal we shared at Master Wok yesterday. The only thing I can add is that I was seated facing these fine young men, and I can tell you, these are the kind of guys that have to beg for sex. Or pay for it. Or pay then beg (and not in a kinky way either).

Average straight white men inspire me in so many ways - lesbianism, femi-naziism, etc. How the human race has continued this long is far beyond my scope of understanding.

Okay, who wants to organize the caravan? (Dylan AND Petty - does life get any better than that?)

BONNAROO NE 2003 INITIAL ARTIST ANNOUNCEMENT

Superfly Productions and A.C. Entertainment are proud to
announce the initial lineup for Bonnaroo NE 2003. The
festival is confirmed to take place August 8-10, 2003 at
Enterprise Park at Calverton in Riverhead, New York.

We are anticipating several major additions to the line up to be
announced shortly, so be sure to visit www.bonnaroo.com
and join the Bonnaroo mailing list to stay up to date on new
additions to the schedule.

Tickets for the 2003 Bonnaroo Music Festival will go on sale
Wednesday, May 7th at 9:00 a.m. EST through
www.bonnaroo.com. Please visit the website for complete
ticketing information.

2003 Bonnaroo NE Confirmed Artists:

The Dead (2 Nights)
Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds
Bob Dylan
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
The String Cheese Incident
Ween
Gov't Mule
Medeski Martin & Wood
moe.
Les Claypool's Frog Brigade
Yo La Tengo
Talib Kweli
Rusted Root
Soulive
North Mississippi Allstars
Yonder Mountain String Band
Disco Biscuits
Cut Chemist
Grandaddy
X-ecutioners
Kings of Leon
Los Amigos Invisibles

IF YOU WEREN'T PART OF THE MARYVILLE LIBERAL ARTS COMMIE POSSE (2000-2003), THIS POST WILL NOT INTEREST YOU.

One of the best things about living in the Santa Fe Shanty, besides the rampant irresponsible drug use and excellent collective CD stash, was the quote wall. Seeing as how there were so many people there all the time in various stages of non-sobriety, some very memorable things were said now and again, and of course, Brian and I would knock each other over to write them down and then post them on the wall, because in five minutes no one would remember what was said. Some good examples of this would be:

"Animals are deathly afraid of the Taboo Buzzer." - Brian

"Oh honey, let me tell you about double fisting." - Brian, followed by applause and a knowing smile from Maggie

"I make Howard Hughs look like Dr. Phil!" - Maggie

"I feel like someone just took a huge dump on my face." - Jason in reference to watching an Avril Whatshername video

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. Well, we've all been there. Except for Jason of course." - Maggie, in reference to gagging while performing oral sex on a man

"Steven lets me use his ManStick whenever I want." - Amy

"Yeah well, I would have thought God would have made a better person than this." - Steven

"Everytime I smoke up, I just picture Jesus' face in front of me, and I blow the smoke right in his face, and He inhales and just smiles." - Jed
"That's beautiful." - Jason

And of course, the quote of the day for the entire time I lived there..."Now Margaret, there's no such thing as unnecessary head."

Yeah, good times. So this morning, Jason and I were having chocolate cake for breakfast and watching some damn infomercial for a guitar you could get through the mail for $200. Must be a great instrument. Anyway, some guy was waxing poetic about how learning to play guitar changed his life...as a teen he had something that he could do by himself with his own hands. I say to the screen:

"Oh honey, let me tell you what you can do for yourself, by yourself, with your hands..."

And Jason follows with:

"Sewing?"

It just reminded me of the old days with the crew. It's good to move forward, but those were some great times. I miss you guys!

Have you ever considered how similar Hunter S. Thompson and His Holiness The Dalai Lama appear? Is it possible they're the same person? I mean, I've never seen them together or anything.

This certainly requires careful meditation, possibly with the added assistance of some mescaline.

This is the the shoe I want. Can I find it anywhere in the metro KC area? No. Well, no, wait, I did find a pair strikingly similar to this at Halls, but I'll be goddamned if I'm paying $145 for a pair of shoes I'll wear one season.

I hate to sound really prissy, but sometimes it's such a trial being a woman.

Just because people look back fondly on bands today doesn't mean they were ever good. Take for instance The Cramps and The Buzzcocks, both having new releases out lately. Now as an angsty teen, I listened to both of these bands like I was addicted to morphine. Stumbling across one of those cd's now, though, is a laughable experience...kind of like seeing pictures from high school when I was wearing all mismatched blacks. I've moved on from that stage (have I?), but the bands haven't. Most of them have cleaned up, and are now rehashing old material for the post Gen X nostalgia crowd. Like when Bauhaus toured several years ago...no one wants to see Peter Murphy trying to get in and out of a coffin now that he has arthritis. I can't wait until we're all in nursing homes...maybe The Mighty Mighty Bosstones will do an elder care facility tour...with their wheelchair cushions being plaid, of course.

God bless Madonna. Last night I saw some special on MTV with her (she sang "Like a Prayer"!), then she was on "Will and Grace", and then another special on VH1. From what I've heard of her new album, I really like it. I think it's great that she's still creating and doing her own thing (and not in a depressing Rolling Stones kind of way). Madonna is a huge inspiration to me, and I even hate that whole cliched idea of role models and whatnot.

Of course, I couldn't make a post about Madonna without mentioning that Travis hates her. He and I continually argue about her all the time. It's almost come to blows before. If Travis ever breaks the law, I'm going to make a suggestion to the judge that his punishment be an entire weekend with me, and possibly Dan Ayala, making him listen to every album and watch every video collection, including "Truth or Dare" and "Blonde Ambition". I will make an exception with "Swept Away". No one should be subjected to that.

Kindly read Steven's creative fiction posted today. It's pretty funny.

Yahoo is such a ninny. Every several months or so, my account gets screwed up, and I can't get in, and have to change my password to something I'll never remember. Then I just keep forgetting it and have to change it all over again. Eventually I give up and just leave it be. It's really aggrivating. I know I could change um...companies, I suppose, and it's not like I have brand loyalty, but I'm just too lazy. I've been using Yahoo for years now, and I'm used to it (aggrivations and all). Can't teach an old dog new tricks and all that.

I was at Truman Medical Center West today with a client, and I saw the most depressing thing. There's a McDonald's in the facility, and from what I could tell, there was a homeless man who had either gotten someone's leftovers or stolen some food, and he was handcuffed and slammed against the hood of a patrol car while about 5 cops and 50 people stared at him. It was all pretty needless and overly dramatic, and it reminded me of that homeless man that was suffocated outside of Osco by an employee holding him down on the ground while the police were called. Over stealing a candybar. There really aren't any words that do it justice.

For a moment, put yourself in my shoes. I had the world's most annoying and aggrivating day at work (and it's not over yet, since I have a manditory meeting tonight - north of the river none the less - which I was only notified about two hours ago), and then I come home to this super silliness. All I can do is shake my head, light a fag and pour myself some vodka and lemonade.

I heard the new Radiohead release today. I'm still coming down. Honestly. Have I told you that I only caught on to Radiohead a couple of months ago? Everyone I knew shoved it down my throat for so long, and it just wasn't my thing. Then one night, we were all um...studying botany...and listening to OK Computer, and I had an epiphany right then and there. I still think Thom Yorke is a yokel, but I deal just the same.

I mentioned today to Jason that I was worried about Robert Smith, essentially because I was listening to "Halo" (a very lovey dovey and non-depressing song * ). Robert's trend lately has been pretty up beat, and for those of us who grew up on The Cure (and blame that fully on our severe adult depression), it's kind of hard to get used to. Jason's explanation? Robert's hitting the age when people go senile, and maybe he thinks he's sad, but it's coming out happy. I don't know. Maybe he's having a midlife crisis, only instead of the car and the new wife, he's just pleased as punch to be alive. I'm not going to panic as of yet (I went through the same thing when "Wish" came out, but now that I have some perspective, I realize it's far more depressing than initially thought), but if he does the Dylan/Jesus thing, I'm going to write a strongly worded letter to him.


* My friend, who I'll refer to as "The Other Jason", got me into this song. He's wanted a spot on this blog forever, so there's a completely awkward excuse for me bring him up! Who loves ya baby?

The question on everyone's mind: when is Wilco going to stop touring? Not that I'm really complaining - this time around they've got Sonic Youth and R.E.M. with them, though. Movin' up in the world.

When I was a little girl, my favorite books in the whole world consisted of the Beatrix Potter series and the Eloise series. Eloise was a little girl who lived in The Plaza Hotel in the late 1950's with her British nanny, her dog Weenie and her turtle Skipperdee. She was a child after my own heart...always dishevled, always curious and always causing trouble. Why am I telling you all of this? Because next Sunday, ABC is airing an Eloise movie. While I'm sure it could never live up to the books, I'm excited all the same.

"Oh my lord. There's so much to do. Tomorrow I think I'll pour a pitcher of water down the mail chute."
- Eloise, age 6

Nothing will make you swear off sex faster than a Minute Man, and while I'd like to think this would help, I highly doubt it. I mean, men are generally selfish partners, and no piece of latex will change that. Ladies, might I suggest Good Vibrations? Stock up on batteries, and you've got a guaranteed good time with no guilt and no harassing messages on your machine. Of course, you could always pitch for the other team. Come on, it's a new century. Do your own thing, and don't pin all your hopes on some guy and his um...control (or lack thereof).

Slavercise, the wave of the future?

I realize there a war going on, there’s mass poverty and starvation worldwide, and that we’re staring down another Republican empire…I mean, uh… administration here soon, but I still feel the need to complain about these things.

THESE THINGS NEED TO STOP:

1.) Whitestrokes Vinehives – Honestly, I would have thought their appeal would have worn thin by now, but obviously not. And yes, perhaps I am being a little hypocritical here, because for about a month this time last year I was the biggest nerd about some of these bands, but in my defense, I was highly medicated at the time. I probably couldn’t have told you my social security number, for the love of Christ. I realize that I’m standing virtually alone on this, but this is coming from a person who also thought “Schindler’s List” was masturbation fodder for quasi-liberals. The thing about the whole “top 40 indie” thing is it all lacks emotion. Besides, someone else did it first (MC5) and did it much better. All these kids have to do is fart in a mic and people start creaming their jeans. “They don’t even have a bass player!” “They’re from Sweden!” “They’re a four car garage band!” “She’s got the fucking biggest tits!” I firmly believe Modest Mouse could kick their collective asses in any bar fight any day.

2.) I observed the phoniest thing this weekend. I was at Oak Park Mall, using the facilities at Nordstrom’s (Why don’t they just call it Nordstrom’s? You really can’t just say Nordstrom – it just sounds wrong!). Now I’m sure you’ve seen the piano player person that I guess is supposed to lend some atmosphere to the capitalist marathon there. When you use their bathrooms, the music from the piano is piped through into the restroom. Goddamn it bothered me. It’s just so…predictable.

3.) Why do people who are supportive of the war feel they need to personally attack peace activists? You know, I was raised to be polite, which means you don’t discuss politics unless it an appropriate time and place. I don’t force my feelings onto people, I don’t walk around with a sandwich board saying “Kill Bush” and I don’t argue with uneducated racist homophobic rednecks, because I know it will get me nowhere and sooner or later I’ll get called a “commie dyke”. So imagine my surprise when I’m just minding my own business and people walk into the room and start lecturing me on Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks…like I’m personally responsible for their actions because I attend demonstrations and have written my elected officials. The last time I checked, those were peaceful, constitutionally protected methods of dissent. Keeping my mouth shut and trying to respect my elders gets really old after a while.

4.) By the same token, there are some people that are close to me that have become disenchanted with the peace movement. It’s not that I think their arguments are invalid, but there’s this whole attitude that because I’m still rather enthusiastic that I’m being naïve and silly. You know what I think it is? They want instant gratification. All you have to do is study history and you will learn that peace will always be an ongoing struggle – not a hobby you take up for six months and then abandon when you get bored with it, or when you feel that it’s too “trendy”. And these people should really know better. Shame on them!

5.) One thing I just can’t stand: when you go to order at a restaurant, and your waiter or waitress editorializes on what you order. Like it’s their business! It’s not like I’m asking for some bizarre substitution, like yeti cheese instead of croutons. I mean, asking for an extra egg instead of bacon is not that outlandish. And really, I don’t care to hear their entire life story…especially about how their kid is in college and thinks they know more than they do. You know what? They probably do. That’s why they won’t be working for a pitiful hourly wage plus tips at 45. And they’ll have a dental plan, I’m sure.

You have to hear the new Blur. I was impressed.

Contrary to popular belief, Steven is alive, according to his blogmania from yesterday.

I think it's funny how the people that have made some pretty lasting impressions on my life haven't fallen out of my realm. It's also a shame that people that you've shared a small but meaningful percentage of your existance with you never really get to see anymore. Pitiful. Steven and I used to be great friends. I suppose we still are, we just don't get drunk together and watch "The Avengers" on a regular basis.

How long have we all been waiting for this? Far too long, I say. Anybody up for a winter holiday in Haiti?

At my last apartment, we had voodoo dolls in the kitchen. I don't know why. We were all pretty big on revenge, I guess. There's nothing worse than an apartment full of bitter, aging intellectuals.

The position I now hold is the second job where I've worked with the developmentally disabled. One thing I am continually amazed by is the complete ignorance of nearly everyone I come into contact with concerning this population. Here are some things you should consider about these people before you start running your mouth:

What if you never got to make a mistake?
What if your money was kept in an envelope where you couldn't get to it?
What if you never given a chance to do well at something?
What if you were always treated like a child?
What if your only chance to be with people different from yourself was with your own family or with people who were paid to be with you?
What if the job you did was not useful?
What if you never got to make a decision?
What if the only risky thing you could do was to act out?
What if you couldn't go outside because the last time you did it rained and you got sick?
What if you took the wrong bus once and now you can't take another one?
What if you worked and got paid $.46 an hour?
What if you had to wear your winder coat when it rained because it was all you had?
What if you had no privacy?
What if you spent three hours a day just waiting?
What if you grew old and never knew adulthood?

I deal with clients who have these issues every day. They are people who have been shortchanged all of their lives, and not from their disability. Take some time to think about this - I never fail to be amazed at something I can learn from a client, and it happens nearly every day.

Please let me wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes...

Just to clear things up, Bob Dylan has NEVER covered "Creep" by Radiohead. Although the folks who did the impression of him covering it were highly talented. Jason and I were literally rolling around on the floor laughing. You should download it (especially Kevin and Jed).

The "This Old Man" cover however, which is authentic because I used to have the CD, is awesome.

Yeah, you might want to see this movie, Down and Out with the Dolls. Remember L7 and when Portland was cool? Yeah. See it. I would, but I'm living somewhere in the middle of this great country, and it won't show up here for a while.

Less than four days after moving to Kansas City, I was approached by the Truman Neurological Center (the Cult of Harry lives!) for employment as the Health Services Coordinator for all of their group homes (housing mentally retarded adults). It's a real grown up professional position, with an office, my own staff, position on the Board of Directors - the whole deal. I have interviewed with two of the higher-ups, was offered and have accepted the position. Yay for me! I wish I'd left Maryville sooner.

The best part? Your birthday is considered a paid holiday! Convenient, since I'll be celebrating er...uh...a birthday in May.

NO BLOOD FOR OIL!! Just kidding.

In my seemingly consistant bad luck, I ended up behind some Missouri Cracker Ford truck today. The following stickers were displayed:

Tommy Hillbilly (with a Confederate flag)

Iraq Now - France Next

Could this person locate either France or Iraq on a map? Could they name the states in the Confederacy? It's questions such as these that make me want to get my tubes tied.

Please take some time today to reflect on the life and work of Dr. Martin Luther King. Even if it's only to sing that U2 song. (Incidently, am I the only one who feels guilty about hating that do-gooder Bono? I know he does a lot of good work, but he's so smarmy. Thank god they let The Edge induct The Clash into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.)

God is an American.

Much to everyone's surprise, Jason and I up and left Maryville yesterday - not unlike we were being chased out by a lynch gang. We gathered the essentials - hopped in Whitey Mazda and got the hell out of Dodge. We haven't looked back. I never thought I'd be so happy about having an address in the goddamned "City of Fountains".

WASHINGTON - April 1 - Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich (D-OH), who leads opposition to the War in Iraq within the House, today, issued the following statement on the House floor:

"Stop the war now. As Baghdad will be encircled, this is the time to get the UN back in to inspect Baghdad and the rest of Iraq for biological and chemical weapons. Our troops should not have to be the ones who will find out, in combat, whether Iraq has such weapons. Why put our troops at greater risk? We could get the United Nations inspectors back in.

"Stop the war now. Before we send our troops into house-to-house combat in Baghdad, a city of five million people. Before we ask our troops to take up the burden of shooting innocent civilians in the fog of war.

"Stop the war now. This war has been advanced on lie upon lie. Iraq was not responsible for 9/11. Iraq was not responsible for any role al-Qaeda may have had in 9/11. Iraq was not responsible for the anthrax attacks on this country. Iraq did not tried to acquire nuclear weapons technology from Niger. This war is built on falsehood.

"Stop the war now. We are not defending America in Iraq. Iraq did not attack this nation. Iraq has no ability to attack this nation. Each innocent civilian casualty represents a threat to America for years to come and will end up making our nation less safe. The seventy-five billion dollar supplemental needs to be challenged because each dime we spend on this warmakes America less safe. Only international cooperation will help us meet the challenge of terrorism. After 9/11 all Americans remember we had the support and the sympathy of the world. Every nation was ready to be of assistance to the United States in meeting the challenge of terrorism. And
yet, with this war, we have squandered the sympathy of the world. We have brought upon this nation the anger of the world. We need the cooperation of the world, to find the terrorists before they come to our shores.

"Stop this war now. Seventy-five billion dollars more for war. Three-quarters of a trillion dollars for tax cuts, but no money for
veterans' benefits. Money for war. No money for health care in America, but money for war. No money for social security, but money for war. We have money to blow up bridges over the Tigris and the Euphrates, but no money to build bridges in our own cities. We have money to ruin the health of the Iraqi children, but no money to repair the health of our own children and our educational programs.

"Stop this war now. It is wrong. It is illegal. It is unjust and it will come to no good for this country.

"Stop this war now. Show our wisdom and our humanity, to be able to stop it, to bring back the United Nations into the process. Rescue this moment. Rescue this nation from a war that is wrong, that is unjust, that is immoral.

"Stop this war now."