Tuesday, October 28, 2003

This is quite possibly the stupidest article I've ever read.

Thursday, October 23, 2003



This is why I don't swim in the ocean. Well, that and a crippling fear of large bodies of water.

Song of the day: "Aqua Boogie" - Parliament.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Old habits die hard...

While talking with Brian Fish the other night about blogging, a wonderful idea was birthed -- a blog consisting of the random shit spewing that was ever so popular with the Amnesty/English Department/Old School Loop/Santa Fe Shanty crowd these past few years. Brian and Steven have started this blog, Dork Northwest, where certain privileged people can post and "preach to the choir". All in all it's a great concept, since we're all a little too far apart to hook up at The Pub anymore...

Top 5 Santa Fe Shanty Songs:

5. ) "Get Up Go Insane" - Strech-n-Vern

4.) That Pacman on crack song - Bloodhound Gang (you had to be there)

3.) "Setting Sun" - Chemical Brothers

2.) "Glory Box" - Portishead

1.) "Work It" - Missy Elliot

Honorable mention: "Junkie's Prayer" - Mirwais

Sunday, October 19, 2003



Here's what I think about Darkness...

They're not:

*Groundbreaking
*Brilliant
*Excellent musicians
*Particularly newsworthy

They are:

*Campy
*Catchy
*Highly addictive
*Pretty damn funny

Saturday, October 18, 2003

Today's post brought to you by Brian Fish, photographer, writer, slave for The Man, former roommate and all around damn fine friend.

"Celebrities have what it takes to win elections. Here's my suggestion for part of the 2004 Executive Branch:

President: Harrison Ford (Tom Clancy fans would probably agree)

Vice President: Oprah (imagine what the "White House: After the Show" episodes would be like!)

Attorney General: Bob Dylan (poetic justice)

Secretary of State: Gandalf the White (I don't need to justify this.)

Secretary of Commerce: Ralph Nader (The fastest way to bring down sky-scrapers...well...maybe not the FASTEST...)

Secretary of Defense: O.J. Simpson (Knows a little something about defense.)

Secretary of the Treasury: Bill Gates (He has all the money anyway, and his products control the rest.)

Secretary of Homeland Security: Clint Eastwood (Wouldn't you feel safe?)

Secretary of Agriculture: Willie Nelson (*slow clap*)

Secretary of Housing & Urban Development: P-Diddy and Lil’ Kim (Don't you watch MTV Cribs?)

Secretary of Energy: Shazam (Shaaaaazam! No more power outages.)

Secretary of Labor: David Hasselhoff (If he's had a career this long, he must know what he's doing.)

Secretary of Health & Human Services: Richard Simmons (But can we really handle the flames?)

Secretary of Transportation: The Batmobile (Might not get congressional approval. May have to ask the Labor Secretary to bust Kit out of storage.)

Secretary of Education: Susan Sarandon (Because she's cool like that.)

Secretary of the Interior: Lou Diamond Phillips? (The only Native American celeb I could think of.)

Press Secretary: Quentin Tarantino (Press conferences would at least be bloody, if not a little more Bohemian.)

Drug Czar: Woody Harrelson (You get it.)

EPA: (will remain vacant since no one really cares about protecting the environment)

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Saddam Hussein (I really can't justify this, so I will not try.)"

Song of the day: "I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Get ready to laugh...er...um...rock...



Ok displaced Northwest folks, I'm giving you a very important update. Everyone's favorite frat boy pseudo punk band, Prank Monkey, have inexplicably renamed themselves No Collar Hero. Yes, they're still "tearing up the midwest" by playing randomly in the basement of The Pub, but the real news is that they somehow roped Steve Ewing (The Urge) into playing with them tonight. If only we were all still there...we could do our best Hatey McHatesalot while chucking Coors at the stage.

What's next? The White Stripes teaming up with Beck? Oh wait...

Song of the day: "All Washed Up" - The Urge. Oh, the irony.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Top Five Guilty Pleasures

5.) "Beverly Hills 90210" reruns

4.) Sonic banana cream pie shakes

3.) Justin Timberlake

2.) "When Animals Attack"

1.) Any episode of "City Confidential" where they talk about polygamists or dirty cops.

Song of the day: "Days of the Phoenix" - AFI.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003



The five year anniversary of Matthew Shepard's murder, so representative of the senseless aggressive and prejudicial attitude in this country, is today.

Perhaps I'm oversimplifying things here, but killing someone because they're gay is just about the most ignorant thing I can think of.

Speaking of ignorance, and in case you've forgotten that the only thing wrong with Christianity is the Christians, take a look at my favorite hate-enablers, The Westboro Baptist Church. I'm not so proud to say I live down the interstate from these people.

Song of the day: "Suedehead" - Morissey.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Swimming the same deep water as you is hard...

It's amazing to me what people interpret as causes for happiness. Everytime my life changes in a semi-5-year-plan-altering way, old friends and the like come out of the woodwork to "catch up on old times", all the while straining to impersonate a friendship that's long since been neglected. The one annoying and ridiculous question I always get after my brief rundown of the situation is:

"So are you happy now?"

What kind of question is that? Anyone who knows me well knows I'm never fully content with anything. The grass is always greener...something will always promise to be easier, more fulfilling and give better results. If I were happy with anything in my life, I wouldn't be in a constant stage of transition.

And how can I answer that? Am I happy? Is this as good as it gets? Is it merely enough to be comfortable financially, have a mostly reliable support system, and a relationship that - ignoring certain circumstances - provides me with emotional security? Am I selfish and unrealistic for wanting more than this? Why can't I fall asleep at night without the impedement of compulsive anxiety or wake up in the morning grateful for all that I have? Is this truly anti-depressant worthy, or is it just that I've tasted perfection before and won't settle for a mendacious facade?

Regret is an addictive emotion. Without it, I'd not have the drive to overcompensate in other aspects of my life. I am pulled in dozens of different directions searching for anything that will give me the illusion of being complaisant to myself and others. It all seems like such a soul wrenching lie most of the time.

Song of the day: "Untitled" - The Cure.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Some recent observations:

* People are generally not polite. Especially people you don't even know letting themselves into your house while you're asleep like it's a freaking public library. To fix a computer problem you requested to be remedied three months ago.

* Half-assed justice doesn't really cut it. Like Arnold "apologizing" for being a sexist swine.

* The members of OutKast are really a talented bunch of fellows.

* Network morning news shows make my teeth hurt they're so sugary. I severely dislike witty banter.

* Sleep is way underrated.

* For my rental dollar, it's hard to beat "A Mighty Wind".

* Whoever Sigur Ros has thinking up their video concepts deserves a bonus.

* Those frozen mini pretzel things with the cheese in the middle, which I need like I need a hole in my head, are quite tasty.

* My sister kicks ass because she recently lied to Customs in Toronto. Way to stick it to the man!

* Built to Spill is coming to Lawrence in a few weeks. I'm not going. I'd rather do almost anything than be trapped in a club with that band and their fans. That includes going to Branson for a weekend.

Song of the day: "One Armed Scissor" - At the Drive In.


Wednesday, October 01, 2003