Mac Tonnies...I know him!



For your reading pleasure, Mac's new work is now available where all fine books are sold. While it has been purchased, I haven't yet had time to read it, but I can say with full authority that the back cover is fascinating!

Song of the day: "Paperback Writer" - The Beatles.

I want to write this short story about this late twenty-something woman who has had a string of lame sexual partners and has all but given up on any glimmer of satisfying sex. She's tried it all...vibrators, lesbians, etc., but finally resigns herself to the fact that for her personally, sex is a routine self esteem booster for whoever she's with. She has the script and the blocking memorized...knows when to move and what to say to bring on the much anticipated finale and post-coital cigarette. She is sick of hearing "...sorry I finished so fast, but you're so tight you just get me there so soon...". Then one day she finds this guy who's a perfect mix of John Vanderslice and Jake Gyllenhaal and Paul Rudd (hey - it's my story, ok?), and through much sensitivity and patience and lust, he finds her G spot. Her life becomes one of those female sexual aid commercials. She no longer dreads sex, but actually inks it in to her schedule on a regular basis. The boyfriend, however, becomes insane with the power of his discovery. In typical male manifest destiny fashion, he wants to claim the lower interior wall of her vagina for himself. He want to plant a flag there, claiming it for his crown. He believes his "discovery" makes him the lord and master of that domain. They fight. She screams at him that he didn't discover anything, that it was there all along, he just marched his troops into the right place at the right time. She decides that all men, however misleading they may be, are at their most fundamental just power hungry dictators. I'm not sure how the story will end. Maybe she'll go postal. Maybe she'll be grateful and become a dutiful Suzy Homemaker. It's really hard to find a resolution.

Song of the day: "Glory Box" - Portishead.

Recent Observations...back at ya!

* About two years ago, I had some very serious gastro-intestinal problems that ranged from my mouth to my...well, I'm sure you can guess. After various scopes, medicines, treatments, allergic reactions, surgeries and polyp removals, I finally got better. Or so I thought. My problems have flared up again, with much gusto, and I've been a regular visitor to the Lawrence Memorial Hospital emergency room, Lawrence Family Physicians and Lawrence Internal Medicine as of late. I'm looking forward to an upper GI scope, colonoscopy and colon biopsy next Friday...all in the name of exploration and diagnosis. How are you celebrating our nation's birthday?

* So I hosted a "Revolution CHO" party this weekend. Said Cho special was premiering on the Sundance Channel, and it was horrible. She must be on drugs again. I was really disappointed. We all love Margaret so much, and she's let us down. Although the "...her pussy just fucking exploded..." part was pretty funny.

* Speaking of being let down, the new Cure album hits the pavement next week. I mean literally. From what I've heard of it, anyone who buys it will promptly toss it out the window after the first listen.

* Ok. I'm going to admit it. I actually like the new Morrissey album. Let's just keep that between us, ok?

* Have I mentioned that I am now the proud owner of "Woman and the New Race" by Margaret Sanger? I'll spare you the details, but I found a sixth edition print hiding in the basement of antique store on Mass. I scored it for $1.50, which is really a steal considering the Comstock laws had rendered it all but extinct.

* There's a saying that every working woman needs a wife. I'll have to agree with that.

* I'm so sick of turning on any news program and seeing doe-eyed Bill Clinton whining about his childhood and his $10 million book deal. I don't care about his life. His presidency was marginal at best. He's so '96.

* Have you been catching "The Daily Show" lately? John has been rather bold but cavalier in his interviewing styles. It's rather awkward at times.

Song of the day: "Fly" - Cornelius (who is brilliant).

Song of the day: There are none. Most of my cd collection has been trashed beyond playing ability. Oh, the sadness. Pity me!

Let me take this opportunity to announce the newest blog around town, The Unemployment Pages, written by the man who has a better music collection that I do -- Jason McCann. Read it and weep, kiddos!

Song of the day: "Can't Decide" - Orange 9mm.