I found this article while meandering around tonight. It's H.S. Thompson's September 12, 2001, article for ESPN.com. It's an interesting sliver of perspective.

This is why I'm never getting pregnant...things like this happen to me...

"The pontiff frequently condemned homosexual activity, and the Vatican launched a global campaign against same-sex marriage. In addition, the pope's condemnation of contraceptives was an affront to HIV-prevention advocates worldwide."

Yet George Bush called him "a champion of human freedom". I suppose he would think that, considering his attitudes and all.

"Their records only sold modestly, but 1980s British rock band The Smiths inspired unwavering loyalty from their fans -- and now, 18 years after they split, an entire academic conference devoted to their music and lyrics."


This would probably be a good thing for me to go to, considering I unfailingly misunderstand all Smiths lyrics...constructing entire interpretations of songs based on the misheard phrase "slender knees". It's quite embarrassing, actually.

ATTENTION, PEOPLE WHO CANNOT STOP THEMSELVES FROM WATCHING 24 NO MATTER HOW LUDICROUSLY IMPROBABLE THE PLOT GETS (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)



This link's for you...

Ha.

Song of the day: "Killed by the Cowboy President" - Rum Diary.

Normally very hip and way ahead of everyone else, I've decided to immerse myself in the life and times of Elliott Smith. I find him very intriguing, even though if we had met in his short time here, I probably would have told him to buck up and be a man. Still...one of those men I would have been mistaken to think I could save.

Song of the day: "Pretty Ugly" - Elliott Smith

You know, I'm usually a "like whatever music you want to" kinda person...Publicly admitting to a Barry Manilow and Destiny's Child fetish, and it's cool. But here's the deal: I feel like a loser listening to System of a Down. Fundamentally, they're not a bad band, but when I'm bebopping to them while, say, writing cover letters, it's kinda corny. Even more corny because the only other people I know who listen to them are those skinny goth pre-teens that skulk around neighborhoods at night with their headphones on. You know the ones I'm talking about...heavy on the eyeliner, shops at Hot Topic, has a name like "Brittany" or "Amber" or "Chamerlain", which is most decidedly NOT GOTH.

Song of the day: "Midnight Radio" - Hedwig...oh yeah, you should see that movie again tonight. It's so coolio.

"They say every form of refuge has it's price..."

After a week and half in my new life, the "vacation-y" type of excitement has worn off. Practicality, stability and survival have set in...and they're an awfully heavy burden. Although I am in a community not unlike where I grew up, my surroundings seem foreign, as if I'm unable to find north.

Song of the day: "Spider in the Snow" - Dismemberment Plan

We're finally off the road, safe and sound in Santa Rosa. It's beautiful, quiet and clean, which is always good. I have links and such for further photo essays on the sins of Las Vegas, but am too strung out to do a big cutting and pasting job (that's what eight days on the road will get you). I promise I will get it all posted one of these days (after I start looking for a job). In the meantime, everyone take care!

Song of the day: "Home Sweet Home" - Poison

Check it out:

Pics from vacation

"But the truth is I have no faith in happiness
It turns to fear, draws the devils near
So I jumped the fence
And went out west..."

- John Vanderslice, "White Plains" -

Talk to you all next from California...

Recent Observations: The Last Midwest Edition

* Contrary to what you may hear, "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" and "Pauly Shore Is Dead" are really quite funny.

* Whatever happened to Grandaddy?

* Against my better judgment, I watched the coverage of the inauguration. My favorite channel coverage was FOX, where the reporter stationed with the protesters misquoted them chanting "Hey George how are you feeling today" when the were actually saying "Hey George how many kids have you killed today". Shep Shepard, responding to the reporter said, "I don't think so". It was humorous.

* At the maturely styled McDonald's on Iowa there is no feminine hygiene vending machine in the women's bathroom. There is, however, a large bin of wetnaps in the lobby.

* Let's discuss Elliott Smith for a moment. I recently read an article in "Magnet" about his final year or so. Mental illness, fueled by vague memories of childhood sexual abuse, compounded by a heavy rotation of drugs (prescription and otherwise) all lead to disaster. It's really quite sad and tragic. All of this does give a better understanding of the music on his last album. "A Fond farewell to a Friend" indeed.

* I am unnaturally obsessed with Coheed and Cambria. It's emocore done right. I think the main reason I like them is because it's so much fun to sing along. Grab a brush or a cell phone, use it as a mic, and knock yourself out. A good time will be had by all.

* "The future is unwritten." - Joe Strummer

* Tori has a new album and autobiography coming out this month. Now that's exciting.

* You know, I like to support independent establishments. While eating at an upscale locally owned restaurant the other day, a strange thought crossed my mind. I know that it's owned by a middle-aged couple, and they probably spend a good deal of time there. What is they get a bit randy and have marital relations in the facility? This thought expanded to imagining that it happens on the table I was eating off of. Oh man. I couldn't finish my ravioli pomidore.

* Richard Marx has a new album out. I'll race you to Best Buy. Ready...set...no, it's ok...if you want it that badly I'll just wait here...

* Please kindly check out Free Nachos, a blog by an acquaintance of mine, Scott C. Jones. Scott and I both lived, learned and loved in Lee's Summit and Maryville. Truthfully, I hardly know him...he's the "friend of a friend" kind of thing. But seeing as we both come from common backgrounds, we could probably work well in a nuclear holocaust or similar crisis situation because of shared perspective. Or something. Just check it out.

* Songs I can't live without today:

- "Down" 311

- "Touch You Touch You" Hot Hot Heat

- "Take This Job and Shove It" David Allen Coe

- "Macho Man" The Village People

- "The Joy of Your World" MC Paul Barman

- "Lookinglasself" Snapcase

For important news, go here.

I am not particularly serious about this blog. I used to be, in the glory days of '03, but I was a much different person at that time. I had all this fierce individualism and such...and now I'm just a demographic - "Adult Alternative". I kid you not. I've spent many a night in that stage between turning off the bedside lamp and full-force REM patterns composing a post about this. But yet...this is all I can manage to eek out.

Anyway, when I get around to explaining myself, you'll be the first to know.

Song of the day: "Mediocrity Rules" - Le Tigre (J.D. is real hot like)

"So this is a great job. And yet I'm quitting it, at least for now. I want to stop before I join the horde of people who think I used to be funnier. And I want to work on some other stuff."

In absence of substance...

These songs are kicking my ass today:

* "This Charming Man" - Death Cab (covering The Smiths)

* "Turn My Blue Sky Black" - Mooney Suzuki

* "Nothingwrong" - Jimmy Eat World

* "A Distorted Reality is Now a Necessity to be Free" - Elliott Smith

* "Radio Clash" - The Clash

* "Another View Point" - Cornelius

* That damn Snow Patrol song. Seriously. It rules all over the place.

If you don't have this music, you really need to get with the program. Download it before your hipster stock devalues!

How can you not love this man?

Song of the day: "My Old Flame" - John Vanderslice.

John's new album is rumoured to be released next August. Please give pause for silent celebration...

Song of the day: "You Were My Fiji" - John Vanderslice

I have tickets to see Slint (a la reunion) in San Fran, and you don't.

Song of the day: "Good Morning Captain", Slint.

It's that time of year again, kids!

My backyard this week...

I bet you thought your Thanksgiving sucked. I bet you had to sit through several marginal meals (depending on how many step-families and in-laws were involved), defend the merits of your liberal arts degree with Uncle Morty, and then be insulted when your mother insisted you take home all the left left-overs because, you know, "with your salary, who knows when you'll eat like this again...".

And I'm sure you feel martyred.

Well, did your Thanksgiving involve a broken hand of mysterious origins?

I didn't think so.

So ha. I win this year.

Well this is interesting...


*****

Upon further research, I find all of this a little sick and sad...

My question is, how did this journalist cut through the accent to get this interview? I've been watching interviews with Mad Bob for 15 years and I still can't understand him...

The Cure Not Deluded by Revival

ROME (Reuters) - Goth rockers The Cure are enjoying an unexpected revival, but frontman Robert Smith isn't letting it go to his head.

"It's very flattering," Smith told Reuters Television late on Thursday after performing at the MTV Europe Music Awards, his first MTV event in 15 years. "But I'm not stupid enough to think it's an Indian summer.

"We realize that this upsurge in media attention is almost entirely due to very good young bands picking up on The Cure," added Smith, who wore his trademark red lipstick and heavy eyeliner under an unruly mop of hair.

When asked whether his fans should expect a new album on the back of the renewed popularity, Smith said: "Even when we were at our commercial peak in the late 1980s and early 1990s it didn't ever influence what I did."

After more than a decade of virtual obscurity, The Cure has reappeared on the international music stage amid praise from new alternative bands.

On Thursday night The Cure played for some 200,000 fans who turned out for a concert also featuring pop star Anastacia in front of Rome's Colosseum before showing up at the MTV awards on the outskirts of town.

But Smith said The Cure always avoided taking the main road to success.

"The reasons why we do what we do have always been the same and they're not really aspirational. It's never been something I wanted in order to get somewhere."

Just in case you've forgotten...



Cornelius rules.

Song of the day: "Another View Point" - Cornelius.

PBS does indeed rock (thanks to McJason for this one).

Song of the day: "Hello Texas" by whoever that redneck is.

"We're tryin' to find her, but people say she's crazy."

-- OutKast member Antwan "Big Boi" Patton, on his desire to work with reclusive English singer Kate Bush. I'm not going to even speculate the how's or why's of this situation.

Modest Mouse on SNL tonight. Check your local listings kids. This should be good...(snicker snicker)

Song of the day: "Doin' the Cockroach" - Modest Mouse

VICTORY 2004: PRESIDENT'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH INVITING THE 55 MILLION AMERICA-HATERS WHO VOTED AGAINST GOD TO BEND OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE A PRISON BITCH

Song of the day: "Biggest Killer in American History" - Bad Religion

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Let's just get it out in the open: I hate men. I really do. I'm not speaking in some broad all-encompassing gender study kind of way. I'm talking about individually. As a daughter, wife and romantic partner, completely self-centered men have surrounded me. All of these men have expected me to fill some kind of role in their lives - never once considering that maybe I won't neatly fit into a preconceived category just because I have ovaries. They all claim that they support all things feminist, but let me tell you, the misogyny is there bubbling under the surface. When I'm assertive, I'm bitchy (and probably suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome). When I wanted a divorce, I was selfish. When I decided marriage wasn't for me, I was immature and immoral. When I got fed up with financially supporting another man for a ridiculous amount of time while sacrificing my education and career goals, I was accused of not honoring commitment ("...that's what commitment is about..."). When I acknowledge that I'm a sexual being, I'm a slut. When I demand a satisfying relationship, I'm unrealistic. When I express the desire to have a child, it's thought that I'm trying to unfairly "trick" a man into some 1950's notion of responsibility. When I express any intellectual thoughts or theories, I'm patronized, because after all, I'm just a woman. What it all comes down to is that if I'm not living my life without prioritizing the impact it will have on these men first, I'm leading my life the wrong way. The idea that men are so concerned with the image reflected on them by the actions of the women in their life is quite frankly insulting.

Song of the day: "Land of Canaan" - Indigo Girls

I am allergic to everything. Including myself. I just had to let everyone know.

"The Motorcyle Diaries" was absolutely fantastic, and not just because it had Gael Garcia Bernal portraying one of my favorite Marxists...although it did help.

It was wonderfully subtle, which I liked...I was actually dreading a scene where the clouds would part and Che would see the light of crimson tide (that would be communism, folks, not menstruation). And the scenery (besides Bernal) was fantastic.

A lot has transpired as of late. For one, I quit my job. Unfortunately, my last day isn't until January 29, but there's at least a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm moving to northern California with Jason McCann. I know. I surprise even myself.

My family is divided on the decision. Half (my mother and assorted sisters) are supportive and hold their reservations to themselves. The rest (father and assorted sisters) are "stunned and speechless", so much so they have decided to stop talking to me altogether. You'd think I'd announced I was starting a cult or something. Oh well. I can't very well expect these people to treat me as the adult that I am if they don't behave that way in the first place.

In other news, I went back to Maryville this weekend for an extended period of time. Michael Moore was in town to speak at Northwest. Never thought I'd see the day, actually. He gave a solid predictable speech, and extended much warmth to the twelve Young Republican demonstrators. They didn't appreciate it. Actually, I'm not sure they registered it. Every time he spoke directly to them, they looked like a deer caught in headlights. It was a tad funny.

I saw people there I hadn't thought about in years. All the liberals I've known over the years, who all stuck together like glue at that school, came back for the occasion. It was quite a big deal, when you think about it. After Mr. Moore and La Bonita (they still serve bef chucks) and catching up with Lisa and Matt, we Pubbed it. Oh, The Pub. It hasn't changed. There were two bands performing, Vago and Lovetap. Vago had a lead singer/guitarist on remote who finished up the last song playing a solo while running through the bar. I think I may have come close to shooting Diet Coke out of my nose. He almost fell over Lisa and Jason. Good times, kids.

Other than that, there's not much going on. I got beat up by a client while driving on Mass Street on Tuesday. It was so bad, I had to pull into a parking space and wait for someone to come help. During the time I was there, getting my glasses broken, arms, neck and back scratched, hair yanked, clothes ripped, etc., not a single person stopped to see if I needed help. That's kind of disturbing. I ended up in the ER, and got a tetanus shot. Yeah, that was fun. Then I had to go back to work and finish out the other ten hours of my shift. If I hadn't already quit, I would have done so. I thought about quitting again.

The good news is I'm going to see Death Cab tomorrow night. And let me tell you, I need some good times right about now.

Song of the day: "This Charming Man" - Death Cab (covering The Smiths)

"When you are truly desperate, it is hard to care about anything external to your situation..."

Long time friend Steven Melling has written about the unlikelihood of our generation achieving The American Dream (TM). Well, at least before 40.

As I write this, I am making preparations to relocate to northern California, like a Steinbeck character with a naive hope of a better life. Sometimes I think I'm putting off the responsibilities of adulthood, but is it more that a mortgage and a two car garage and diapers are impossible to achieve in this economy? I was never prepared for adulthood in school, just taught enough to "get by". And that's what I'm doing now. Maybe "getting by" will be more bearable without snow and tornados.

You think smoking the Mary Jane is harmless? Well, think again...

"Marijuana Smoker Beheads Two Women"

Anyone told NORML about this?

Random Maryville pic...



Song O' The Day: "And Justice For All My Loving" - Beatallica

Take the quiz: "What Kind of Soul Do You Retain?"

Dark
"You haven't lived an all-so-happy life, and it's taken it's toll. Malice and cynicsm rotate around all your thoughts, and you are always prepared for the worst."

Bet you never could have seen this coming, huh?

Song of the day: "Cruel" - Tori Amos.

Mac. In a "Wheel of Fortune" commercial. (insert hysterical laughter here)

The Official Snack of Hip-Hop!



I swear I am not making this up. I picked up a case of "Master P Rap Snacks" yesterday at Harvesters. I got a box of about 150 of them for $1.50. For those of you who are hankering for a snack named after a has-been rapper, try ordering some from Rap Snacks. Master P not your style? Try any of their varities, such as "Paster Troy Hot Cheezie Popcorn", "Pretty Willie Salsa Cheese Chips", "Lil Romeo BAR-B-Quin' with Honey Chips", "Warren G Cheezie Nacho Chips", "BBD Back At the Ranch Chips", and "Magic Honey Dew Cheese Curls". Oh my god. This is too funny. Evidently from the info on the packaging, they sell these at record stores. I guess they don't have much marketing at the record stores I go to. I'm currently hording packages to pass out, so if you want one, drop me an email. They ain't your baby's daddy's rap snacks. Please check out the Snacktrax, too.

Song of the day: "Mo' Money Mo' Problems" - Biggie

"Kill the people to set them free..."

Song of the day: "Worried Man Blues" - Woody Guthrie

Ok...so I saw "Donnie Darko" in the theater a while back. The new additions, especially the further explanation of Roberta Sparrow's Philosophy of Time Travel really clarified things for me. The music changes, however, get me all upset. The opening scene, which originally featured "The Killing Moon" by Echo and the Bunnymen has been replaced with INXS's "Never Tear Us Apart". Now that's a great song, from a great album, and it certainly does evoke 1988 for a lot of us, but it's just not the same. "The Killing Moon" just hits all the right chords. I think it should be the opening song for all movies...perhaps even for every event in life, in a "soundtrack of your life" kinda way. These include:

* Dramatic relationship discussions

* Opening your federal tax refund check

* receiving difficult medical diagnosis ("Oh the humanity!")

* Walking into any club or restaurant at any time where you're trying to locate the friend you were to meet that didn't show

* Any staff meeting where admin pulls some kind of bullshit and you realize your life is a hollow lie (just picture the zoom in on your face as your frustration festers)

* Any time Grandma Death tells you that everyone dies alone (which happens all the time)

In other news, I have strep throat. Whee. I'm always sick. You know why? Because I never get a break from work. My company only has three subs for 25 houses right now, which means no one gets a break. There are people who have children's weddings to attend, other folks who are going into labor soon, and then those of us who have communicable diseases with fever, and we're all being told to just deal, because there's no chance we're getting staff in. We already work an average of eighteen hours a day (but get paid for eleven!), do back breaking work that includes pointless paperwork, cleaning up bodily fluids, getting beat up on a weekly basis, and running "teaching programs" that are entirely out of the scope of ability for our clients and then have to try to explain to people who've never done direct care a day in their lives why it's not working...and now we can't even use our PTO's when we need to. This is not a job you can choose to just not show up to. Social service can be very rewarding, but not when you're practically slave labor. And here's the best part: our director is having a seminar this week entitled "Turning Over Turnover". Pardon me while I laugh myself right off this chair. There's only so much you can ask of employees, and when you're asking triple or quadruple what can be reasonably done, and then treat them like they're expendable on top of that, of course you're going to have turnover. (Editor's note: She's ranting again.)

Ah well. We can get a big phat referral bonus check for getting other people hired...and man, I wouldn't wish this job on my worst enemy. Except possibly the few government officials who cut federal and state funding for this population. And the strangers who have to tell me how "special" I am to work this job when they see me in public with my guys. Or people who think that all MR/DD people are like Corky from "Life Goes On". Oh man, I hate those people. I think they think that every time I work I learn some important life lesson or something. Ha. I'm just trying to duck the chair being thrown at me while making sure someone isn't bolting out the front door while trying to teach someone how to prepare dinner while reminding someone that it's not appropriate to walk around the house without pants on. I'm thankful if at the end of a shift I still have my glasses intact and no one's eaten off the floor or flushed the medication administration records down the toilet. The only life lesson I'm learning here is, and pardon me if this sounds coarse, is the value of birth control.

Song of the day: "Bukowski" - Modest Mouse ("...who would want to be such an asshole...")

I'm going to see "Donnie Darko" in the theater today and you're not (unless you happen to be five of my closest friends)! So ha.

Song of the day: "Touch You Touch You" - Hot Hot Heat (remember them? they were so great for about two weeks...)

I have had a terrible, awful, really bad day, and tonight's RNC pep rally did nothing to improve it. As if any of us need reminding, the Republican Party is dangerous and scary. All of Bush's empty promises mean little when so many of the citizens of this country try to sleep tonight while agonizing over how to pay bills, how to procure health care coverage for their child, or wondering if and when they'll find a job. What makes all of this worse is I know he will win again. I, and roughly half the population, can get as angry as we want. It's not going to change a goddamn thing. I can't wait to see how beaten down we'll be in another four years.

Song of the day: "American Idiot" - Green Day.

You seriously have to see this movie. I'd try to explain it to you, but it defies explanation. And since when is bagpipe music erotic?

Here's what's been bothering me as of late: I used to care about things. Relationships, politics, the future, my bank account, being somewhat successful...all of these used to hold some importance in my life.

I have found over the past year that I have no motivation to move forward. Moving forward is not the same as getting out of a situation, mind you, which I want desperately. But the very adjectives that used to propel me, or at least nudge me, to wake up every morning and "fight the good fight" now seem monumental tasks that I haven't the knowledge or energy to approach effectively. It's all so fucking pointless. I can't change things, and I seriously doubt you can either. People don't change, the world doesn't change, no matter what good intentions or rationales we give. So why bother?

Remember that whole "Gen X" thing that folks got such a hard-on for about ten years ago? Yeah, it's like that. I know the "misanthropic-quasi-liberal-do-gooder" thing gets damn old...I live it after all.

Rawk, y'all...

Song of the day: "A Favor House Atlantic" - Coheed and Cambria.

I have reluctantly contributed growth to this pithy economy by sort of purchasing a car this week. It's a 2001 Honda Accord. It's nice, or so I'm told. I haven't actually seen it, but I'm going to pick it up tomorrow. Now I have mostly reliable transportation, but more importantly, I have to finally let go of my prized Whitey Mazda. Oh, sad day! Whitey and I have been through some times...let me tell you. I guess I'm going to donate it to some charitable organization, because in reality it's a fine automobile, and desperately loyal and all that stuff you look for in a...dog, I guess. But, it's not practical to have an auto on it's last leg rotting in your garage.



On the brighter side of things, I'm going to see Weird Al again next Friday. This will be the second time this year, and I'm muy excited. I have been pre-concerting for the past month by watching videos and celebrating his entire catalogue. If he plays "Living With a Hernia", it should be dedicated to me.

"Too much bad pain
Good gawd, drives me insane
Can't run, barely crawl
Got a bulge in my intestinal wall
Walk real funny, bless my soul
Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl
You can't even do the splits now...Better call it quits now
I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow..."

Song of the day: "A Small Victory" - Faith No More.

And that's really when I started to cry...

The saddest thing happened to me yesterday.

I was bumming up and down Mass (it was payday), and I stopped at Brits, a locally run estab that imports your general Guinness/Masterpiece Theater junk that Americans just eat up with a big old soupspoon. Way in the back, there was a selection of perfume. I normally don't wear perfume, but if I find something that smells pretty and doesn't turn me into a walking bright red ball of hives, I pick it up. They had some rose scented perfume, and it was $25, but I figured I would splurge and pick some up. It smelled heavenly on me, and I had no immediate problems when I sprayed some on my wrists.

You have to understand that due to a very psychologically scaring episode of poverty two years ago, I have a hard time justifying purchasing anything that doesn't directly relate to food or shelter. $25, although a drop in the bucket compared to what I make, seems so much to me, and I was really buying this under pressure from my therapist (who feels I do nothing to make myself happy whatsoever). So I did it, and tried not to obsess about how I could have used the money to pay down the principal on my student loans.

I went from Mass down to the movie theater, where I left my perfume in the front seat of the car. As I was going home after the film, about half way down Kasold, I discovered the perfume bottle had shattered from the mix of the alcohol and the heat, and all of the perfume was in the bottom of the plastic bag it was in.

My eyes started to burn, and I felt the tears stinging my eyelids. I started appropriately enough, with a few big fat tears running down my cheeks, but the more I thought about it, the sadder I got. The "ugly cry" started, with actual wailing and sniffling and mascara running. Jason offered me Crazy Bread from Little Caesars to cheer me up, but I refused.

I cried this way over my useless purchase and money wasted for about 45 minutes. It was really horrible. I suppose I was probably crying over a lot of things that this broken perfume bottle symbolized in a Sylvia Plath kind of way (five paragraph theme, anyone?). But I'm not going to go into all that with you. That's what I pay my therapist for every week.

Song of the day: "Precious Things" - Tori Amos.

I have decided it's time for a change.

Song of the day: "A Praise Chorus" - Jimmy Eat World.

Recent Observations - The Annoying Edition

* Tomorrow I have what I'm sure is only number two in a long line of "diagnostic testing", which I wholeheartedly believe is really cruel and unusual punishment. It's some sort of input/output test to see how much substance my stomach is really retaining. Since I'm scheduled for this because of the pictures (in living color) gathered from my endoscopy of retained food, what's the point of this test? There is hard evidence that this is happening, why torture me further? Is this some Big Brother conspiracy to slowly beat me down physically until I'm so weak I can't vote in the upcoming election? Ha. Nice try Right Wing.

* While I have been guilty of being The Man, and am currently technically kind of The (Wo)Man, it's not going to stop me from complaining ceaselessly about administration. It doesn't really matter if it's from my workplace or yours. They're all callous and smug. "Save a buck anyway you can...and smash any inkling of worker's rights...".

* I'm seriously listening to MC Hammer right now. I can't go so far as to disclose which song, but yes, Vanilla Ice is next on the playlist.

* My dear sister, Merideth, broke her leg on Sunday. A month before she leaves for college. Now tell me that doesn't suck.

* The staff member who is covering our hours at work tomorrow called tonight to say that she had to be gone by 5:00pm because she had a tattoo appointment at 5:30. ???? Do you have to schedule a tattoo? I thought that was the kind of thing you did on a drunken whim.

* I had to wear a Pixies shirt today because it was all I had clean. I hate the Pixies. And then when I got to the office for marathon meetings, I had to field questions about not only my disgusting eye, but whether I planned on seeing them in October. Oh, piss off. I don't care if it's camp or not.

* Jay Z said it best..."I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one...". Preach on, Brother J.

Song of the day: "Remember Me" - British Sea Power, "Roulette Dares" - Mars Volta, and "Bring the Noise" - Public Enemy and Anthrax (now that's camp).

Put your hands together for Mac Tonnies and the Spiders From Mars!

(Am I the only person who will get that Bowie reference? Probably...)

I attended Mac's discussion/book signing at The Plaza Barnes & Noble Saturday night. I will be the first to admit that I was reluctant to read the book; I have an embarrassingly poor scientific/academic foundation with which to clearly understand such things (yup - I went to public school - thank you tax dollars!). Mac, however, discussed the generalities and specifics in such a user-friendly way, that I went home and started devouring it. The premise of his research is certainly interesting, and I'm currently trying to wrap my head around the social/cultural/theological/scientific consequences of extraterrestrial anthropology, which is a nice break from paperwork.

It's nice to have brilliant friends.

In other news, a precise breakdown of my formative years will begin tonight on VH1 with "I Love the '90's". A good time will be had by all.

Song of the day: "Cock Mobster" - MC Paul Barman.

Life is pain, princess...anyone who says differently is selling something...

I survived my EGD and colonoscopy...barely. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through, and I saw "Robin Hood - Men in Tights" in the theater. I've done all of this before, but it seemed much worse this time. During the EGD, I gagged and wretched so badly that I ruptured some of my capalaries in my face and eyes, which left dermal bruising and sub-conjuctival hemorrhaging in my right eye. I look like someone who has been strangled. It ain't pretty.

My colon looked good, although I'm still waiting for results on the biopsy. The upper half, however, is a mess. I have massive esophogial errosions, a hiatal hernia, and although I fasted for nearly 24 hours, there was still undigested food left in my stomach. Evidently my stomach is not processing food the way it should, probably because the pressure from the hernia is smashing my stomach into a sort of pocket that retains all sorts of fun things, which leads to increased acid production, which aggravates the hernia and causes the errosions. How fun is that? Normally this could be treated by medicine, but I happen to be allergic to the class of medicines that would help, so surgery may be my only option. Do I have time to have surgery? Not if I want to rule the world in a timely fashion.

I'm only 27. I've already been through hell with my damn G.I. system. I'm beginning to wonder what will fix me so I can live a somewhat normal life without pain. Of course my specialists all recommended that I stop smoking and lose weight, which sounds all fine and dandy from their perspective. It was almost as if they were insinuating that all of this could magically be cured if I would just straighten up and fly right. Yes, these circumstances have contributed to these problems, but it doesn't change the fact that there is a problem, and it needs to be fixed. I'm certainly not doubting their advice, but sometimes I get the feeling that I could walk in to the E.R. with a broken arm and I would be told that my weight caused it. So then the guilt begins. I've started having all these knee-jerk reactions...should I have gastric bypass surgery and fix this weight thing forever? Should I find a different line of work that doesn't put me under so much stress so I eat and smoke way too much? I bring these points up to doctors and they rush to say that I don't warrant those kind of extreme solutions. So I wonder what is the solution...because so far an answer has escaped me.

Song of the day: "Professional Widow" - Tori Amos.

Life is pain, princess...anyone who says differently is selling something...

I survived my EGD and colonoscopy...barely. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through, and I saw "Robin Hood - Men in Tights" in the theater. I've done all of this before, but it seemed much worse this time. During the EGD, I gagged and wretched so badly that I ruptured some of my capalaries in my face and eyes, which left dermal bruising and sub-conjuctival hemorrhaging in my right eye. I look like someone who has been strangled. It ain't pretty.

My colon looked good, although I'm still waiting for results on the biopsy. The upper half, however, is a mess. I have massive esophogial errosions, a hiatal hernia, and although I fasted for nearly 24 hours, there was still undigested food left in my stomach. Evidently my stomach is not processing food the way it should, probably because the pressure from the hernia is smashing my stomach into a sort of pocket that retains all sorts of fun things, which leads to increased acid production, which aggravates the hernia and causes the errosions. How fun is that? Normally this could be treated by medicine, but I happen to be allergic to the class of medicines that would help, so surgery may be my only option. Do I have time to have surgery? Not if I want to rule the world in a timely fashion.

I'm only 27. I've already been through hell with my damn G.I. system. I'm beginning to wonder what will fix me so I can live a somewhat normal life without pain. Of course my specialists all recommended that I stop smoking and lose weight, which sounds all fine and dandy from their perspective. It was almost as if they were insinuating that all of this could magically be cured if I would just straighten up and fly right. Yes, these circumstances have contributed to these problems, but it doesn't change the fact that there is a problem, and it needs to be fixed. I'm certainly not doubting their advice, but sometimes I get the feeling that I could walk in to the E.R. with a broken arm and I would be told that my weight caused it. So then the guilt begins. I've started having all these knee-jerk reactions...should I have gastric bypass surgery and fix this weight thing forever? Should I find a different line of work that doesn't put me under so much stress so I eat and smoke way too much? I bring these points up to doctors and they rush to say that I don't warrant those kind of extreme solutions. So I wonder what is the solution...because so far an answer has escaped me.

Song of the day: "Professional Widow" - Tori Amos.

Mac Tonnies...I know him!



For your reading pleasure, Mac's new work is now available where all fine books are sold. While it has been purchased, I haven't yet had time to read it, but I can say with full authority that the back cover is fascinating!

Song of the day: "Paperback Writer" - The Beatles.

I want to write this short story about this late twenty-something woman who has had a string of lame sexual partners and has all but given up on any glimmer of satisfying sex. She's tried it all...vibrators, lesbians, etc., but finally resigns herself to the fact that for her personally, sex is a routine self esteem booster for whoever she's with. She has the script and the blocking memorized...knows when to move and what to say to bring on the much anticipated finale and post-coital cigarette. She is sick of hearing "...sorry I finished so fast, but you're so tight you just get me there so soon...". Then one day she finds this guy who's a perfect mix of John Vanderslice and Jake Gyllenhaal and Paul Rudd (hey - it's my story, ok?), and through much sensitivity and patience and lust, he finds her G spot. Her life becomes one of those female sexual aid commercials. She no longer dreads sex, but actually inks it in to her schedule on a regular basis. The boyfriend, however, becomes insane with the power of his discovery. In typical male manifest destiny fashion, he wants to claim the lower interior wall of her vagina for himself. He want to plant a flag there, claiming it for his crown. He believes his "discovery" makes him the lord and master of that domain. They fight. She screams at him that he didn't discover anything, that it was there all along, he just marched his troops into the right place at the right time. She decides that all men, however misleading they may be, are at their most fundamental just power hungry dictators. I'm not sure how the story will end. Maybe she'll go postal. Maybe she'll be grateful and become a dutiful Suzy Homemaker. It's really hard to find a resolution.

Song of the day: "Glory Box" - Portishead.

Recent Observations...back at ya!

* About two years ago, I had some very serious gastro-intestinal problems that ranged from my mouth to my...well, I'm sure you can guess. After various scopes, medicines, treatments, allergic reactions, surgeries and polyp removals, I finally got better. Or so I thought. My problems have flared up again, with much gusto, and I've been a regular visitor to the Lawrence Memorial Hospital emergency room, Lawrence Family Physicians and Lawrence Internal Medicine as of late. I'm looking forward to an upper GI scope, colonoscopy and colon biopsy next Friday...all in the name of exploration and diagnosis. How are you celebrating our nation's birthday?

* So I hosted a "Revolution CHO" party this weekend. Said Cho special was premiering on the Sundance Channel, and it was horrible. She must be on drugs again. I was really disappointed. We all love Margaret so much, and she's let us down. Although the "...her pussy just fucking exploded..." part was pretty funny.

* Speaking of being let down, the new Cure album hits the pavement next week. I mean literally. From what I've heard of it, anyone who buys it will promptly toss it out the window after the first listen.

* Ok. I'm going to admit it. I actually like the new Morrissey album. Let's just keep that between us, ok?

* Have I mentioned that I am now the proud owner of "Woman and the New Race" by Margaret Sanger? I'll spare you the details, but I found a sixth edition print hiding in the basement of antique store on Mass. I scored it for $1.50, which is really a steal considering the Comstock laws had rendered it all but extinct.

* There's a saying that every working woman needs a wife. I'll have to agree with that.

* I'm so sick of turning on any news program and seeing doe-eyed Bill Clinton whining about his childhood and his $10 million book deal. I don't care about his life. His presidency was marginal at best. He's so '96.

* Have you been catching "The Daily Show" lately? John has been rather bold but cavalier in his interviewing styles. It's rather awkward at times.

Song of the day: "Fly" - Cornelius (who is brilliant).

Song of the day: There are none. Most of my cd collection has been trashed beyond playing ability. Oh, the sadness. Pity me!

Let me take this opportunity to announce the newest blog around town, The Unemployment Pages, written by the man who has a better music collection that I do -- Jason McCann. Read it and weep, kiddos!

Song of the day: "Can't Decide" - Orange 9mm.

Ch-ch-check it out...

* The new Beastie Boys is all that and a side of jalapeno chips.

* Raise your hand if you really hate Rummy now! (Yeah, I feel ya.)

* I am going to see "Troy" this weekend in a feeble attempt to get as many crotch glimpses of Brad Pitt as humanly possible.

* Need New Body is alternately immature yet brilliant. Just like you thought you were in junior high.

* My general practitioner actually encouraged me to NOT stop smoking. I rule.

* Do you ever feel your job would be great without administrators and managers? Me too.

* So this weekend Jason purchased the "Rust Never Sleeps" DVD (Neil "Kickass" Young and Crazy Horse)...and there's this weird stage prop that we just couldn't figure out. The best we could estimate was that it's a chicken in bondage gear. The 70's were rough on everyone.

* On the Issac Mizrahi show this morning, Issac interviewed the cast of "Law and Order". Evidently Jerry "Kickass" Orbach used to be a song and dance man. Now my concept of "Law and Order - The Musical" can really take form.

* I still haven't picked up my Vanderslice/Yankovic photos yet. Are you really surprised? This is me we're talking about. (They've already called twice to let me know they're ready. And I've been to the Walgreen's where they are like 15 times since then.)

* Man, the lineup for this year's Lollapalooza looks damn fine. I think we should all go (if we all weren't so old and decrepit - broken fingers, herniated disks, middle class flu, etc.).

* The new album by Trent "Kickass" Reznor sure looks great!

Song of the day: "Love Boat" - Jack Jones.

I would like to challenge anyone in this country to find any other person who has a roll of film that consists completely of pictures of Weird Al and John Vanderslice (not together, although that would be one hell of a show). I just don't think that happens very often.

I saw Weird Al last Wednesday night in Topeka. He gave a great performance worth every cent of the $37 ticket, despite certain personal tragedies as of late (his parents both dying of carbon monoxide poisoning). All of my favorites were sung, except "Living With a Hernia", which I guess would have been hard to do without a horn section. The best part were the video clips inbetween numbers. The whole audience would recite them in unison ("....yo, ding dong man, ding dong yo...").

I'd never quite seen a crowd like this before. Oh, I'd seen people like this separately at state fairs, buffet restaurants, Ren Fairs, and on shows about Trekkies, but not all together in one place. It was kind of scary, but funny.

Song of the day: "Angry White Boy Polka" - Weird Al.

So Jason and I trekked to Grinnell, Iowa, this weekend to see John Vanderslice again on this tour. Have you ever been to Iowa? I really hadn't before, and now I realize I've missed nothing. We did get a kick out of the regional gas stations, Kum And Go though. We actually contemplated buying one of their tee shirts which had the slogan "Kum And Go: We Go All Out", but we didn't know where we could wear it without giving people the wrong impression.

We arrived late on Friday night at Grinnell's Country Inn, and awoke the next morning to a lovely view of a farmer spraying a heroic dose of pesticides all over the field behind the hotel. It was about this time I noticed huge welts popping out on my arms and neck, which were made larger and more painful after bathing. This discomfort was further compounded by the fact that the water left a greasy residue that couldn't be rinsed off. It was pretty darn nappy, I must say.

Before the show on Saturday, we ventured out to see what the town was like. The campus was nice - very compact and orderly. And that was about it. There wasn't really much to be seen. I kind of felt bad for these kids...I could definitely relate after living (and dying) in Maryville for years. We spent a good amount of time wandering the campus looking for the show - finally some student took pity on us and led the way. The show ended up being in a downstairs lounge in a building I thought might have been The Union. Upon first glance I was nonplussed. It was super small, with ratty couches, no stage to speak of, etc., but it turned out to be way cooler than initially thought. There was actually a real coffee shop off of the lounge, you could smoke in there, and evidently Grinnell is a wet campus, because all these kids were casually walking in with 40's and bottles of JB. What kind of college experience is this? Not one I had, I say. And let me state for the record, the indie bug has bit something fierce around there. Gotta love that banana Republic "just rolled out of my IKEA bed" look...

The first two bands were local college bands. Oh dear. Dear, dear, dear. I think they heard John was playing last week, and decided to start a band for the hell of it. I know I'm old and snobbish and short on patience, but I don't know if I would have politely suffered through anything like that were John Vanderslice not the light at the end of the tunnel. I noticed he wisely left and went back to the hotel for both sets. And then it was time.

Jason and I were right up front. We were standing behind the "I'm Not Impressed By Anything" couple (who didn't move a tic the whole night), so I made sure I danced all in their space and sang like a banshee into their ears the whole time. I was totally being one of those fans...cheering and clapping and screaming out song titles the whole time, while balancing a cigarette and a camera. Evidently my persistence paid off; after whining about "Me and My 424" the whole set, John finally pointed at me and told me in a stern voice that they were going to play it in a minute. Good thing, too. It was the highlight of the show. Although most of the crowd was so young I could have been their babysitter from birth, they were die hard...singing and dancing (very unlike the Lawrence crowd) in a very supportive manner. It was super fun - I think the audience can make all the difference. And there was this girl - oh man. She had on this shirt that said "If your name is John Vanderslice I will have sex with you tonight". She cornered him after the show. He was so mortified. I heard snipets of a lecture he was giving her that went something like "you don't have to do this...just buy a record...". He spent the rest of the night running away from her, so she started on the rest of the band who seemed a bit repulsed about an 18 year old girl inviting them back to her dorm room. While they are rock stars...they aren't that kind of rock stars. She probably just went back to her room, got drunk, and bonded with her vibrator.

We waited patiently while all the kids swamped John. Being that he's of a gracious upbringing, he talked with everyone who wanted to (and even those who didn't). When our turn came around, he was so excited that we'd driven from Lawrence, I thought he was going to offer to pay for our rental car. He was signing things for us right and left, pumping our hands madly, hopping around like a kid with ADHD and thanking us profusely. I think that if I'd told him how much we really love him around this house he might have had an aneurysm. It's nice that he's like that. I hate that whole jaded indie scene.

So that's about it. It was a lot of fun. Now I just have to see him in his hometown to be complete. Pictures from the show will appear on here when I get around to using the rest of roll of the film.

Song of the day: "Coming and Going on Easy Terms" - John Vanderslice (or should it be "Kumming And Going on Easy Terms"?).

Well, now. I think I would have paid some good money to see this one.

"No passion for Easter Bunny at church show"

The Associated Press
Updated: 9:37 a.m. ET April 08, 2004

GLASSPORT, Pa. - First, the Passion of the Christ. Now, the torment of the Easter Bunny?

It may not have been as gruesome as Mel Gibson’s movie, but many parents and children got upset when a church trying to teach about Jesus’ crucifixion performed an Easter show with actors whipping the Easter bunny and breaking eggs.

People who attended Saturday’s show at Glassport’s memorial stadium quoted performers as saying, “There is no Easter bunny,” and described the show as being a demonstration of how Jesus was crucified.

Melissa Salzmann, who brought her 4-year-old son J.T., said the program was inappropriate for young children. “He was crying and asking me why the bunny was being whipped,” Salzmann said.

Patty Bickerton, the youth minister at Glassport Assembly of God, said the performance wasn’t meant to be offensive. Bickerton portrayed the Easter rabbit and said she tried to act with a tone of irreverence.

“The program was for all ages, not just the kids. We wanted to convey that Easter is not just about the Easter bunny, it is about Jesus Christ,” Bickerton said.

Performers broke eggs meant for an Easter egg hunt and also portrayed a drunken man and a self-mutilating woman, said Jennifer Norelli-Burke, another parent who saw the show in Glassport, a community about 10 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.

“It was very disturbing,” Norelli-Burke said. “I could not believe what I saw. It wasn’t anything I was expecting.”

Song of the day: "Bring the Noise" - Public Enemy and Anthrax.

Now here's a tip: Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit is a lot of fun. As with all Trivial Pursuit games, it can get quite competitive. Thirty minutes into a game people are calling each other "loser" and such. Good times, kids...good times.

I'm back at work. No one seems to understand that I've been gone for a week. This would be the reason why I can't tell anyone what's been going on. If I am asked another question that pertains to said week, I'm just going to start screaming. It's not a hard concept. Everyone knew I was gone. There was a mass email sent out to the entire corporation. I didn't take phone calls or pages. I didn't show up to any meetings or any of my regularly scheduled shifts. We had to draft underage workers from Bangladesh to fill shifts. Even with all of this, people still don't get it. Why am I surprised?

Song of the day: "Army of Me" - Bjork.

I'm on vacation this week. This is the first vacation I've had since I started this job in July. Oh, it's great. What am I doing on this break? Traveling somewhere? No. Having my quarterly clothes shopping spree? No. Writing The Great American Novel? No. I'm doing...

N O T H I N G.

So far I've managed to rent some movies, clean the house, eat chocolate cake, make some mix CD's, listen to a copious amount of Primus and sleep a lot. The pager is off, the door is locked, and I haven't had to fill out a single report or adhere to a schedule of any kind. It's been divine. At the rate I'm going I may have some energy to celebrate this weekend before the fun is all over.

Song of the day: "Today Was a Good Day" - Ice Cube.

Celebrity sighting! Well, kinda. I saw The Reverend Horton Heat at Recycled Sounds last weekend. He was hogging the new arrivals bin. I think he and his entourage picked up on the fact that I recognized him (I cleverly told Jason while holding an LP over our faces), and from that point on they kept looking at us expectantly as if we were going to rush him for an autograph or something. I saw him ten years ago. He was ok. I'm not really into that whole rockabilly thing.

I also went to see an exhibit of John Lennon's drawings and hand written lyrics this weekend. Most of them were for sale, and I really wished I had a wad of cash to blow. I've never really been into collecting things, but you have to admit having the lyrics to "Nowhere Man" penned by the man himself would be pretty damn cool. Anyone who has about $700 to donate to this cause can email me.

Song of the day: "Angry White Boy Polka" - Weird Al.

Recent Observations - 99% Accuracy 100% of The Time!

* Have you noticed that no employees at Lens Crafters wear glasses? Is that not strange?

* The world was is quite a bit of disarray this weekend - Red Square was burning, any country you can name that starts with the letter "I" was riddled with suicide bombings, Libya was accusing other countries of having leaked nuclear information, etc. What was on CNN? A report (that I saw 3 times in one hour) about some robot race in California that none of the robots won. Oh, and another report countering the health benefits of soy (I guess although it will help with menopausal hot flashes, it will also increase your propensity for breast cancer). Remember when CNN would have exhaustive coverage of any international SNAFU? Granted, it got a little overwhelming, but at least the viewers were up to speed with information.

* The French swear they've almost captured Osama bin Laden several times. "But I am le tired!"

* I love John Vanderslice so much I have to see him one more time on tour. The last show before San Fran is in Grinnel, Iowa in April. I will be making the pilgrimage. Oh, happy day!

* This one may apply to Lee's Summit High School graduates only, but do you ever really stop to think about how crazy your high school experience was? I spend a lot of time posturing about how when I was a kid we were never as crazy as kids are today (I have sisters in high school - you would not believe some of the stuff that goes on these days), but when I actually stop and think about it, it was pretty bad. Twisted, even.



* Tabla Rasa will be performing at Saturday's march in Kansas City. All former Bearcats in the area should go and support those nice young men.

* Do you need a quick pick-me-up, but your favorite addiction isn't readily available? Try listening to "Float On" by Modest Mouse. That song cheers me up even after I've watched "The 700 Club".

Song of the day: "Joyless, Joyless" - Minus Story

Oh, John Vanderslice was great. Okkervil River played too long and they were weird to boot. Minus Story, a Larry Town band, was surprisingly talented. The crowd was small and relatively well behaved. Now would be a good time to review Observations of Indie Rock Shows, a handy reference guide provided by yours truly.

One point: John Vanderslice is so polite. I was there for sound check (you think I'd miss a chance to see him in the raw?), and he thanked the sound engineers profusely. That's rare. He's very gracious and thoughtful. I'm sure he has his moments, but all in all, a fine gentleman. And he brings The Rock. Oh yeah. It was definitely worth staying up until 2 am.

Song of the day: "Pale Horse" - John Vanderslice.

"Nature is a language...can't you read?"

Today it is rainy and cold...The Smith's Listening Weather as I like to call it. Radiohead, Sigur Ros and The Cure also fit nicely. So queue your CD player, put on a cardigan, smoke a cigarette and look wistfully out the window thinking of days gone by. Scribble furtively in a journal if you want to take it that far. Quote James Joyce. Be pretentious. It's Wednesday, after all...

Song of the day: "Half a Person" - The Smiths.

I saw Mel Gibson's "The Passion of Christ" this weekend. I was hesitant to see it; "Jesus of Nazareth" and the like usually put me into hysterical sobbing jags which are difficult to recover from. I'm not an overtly religious person, but it's moving none the less. Not really the case with this one. I found it arrogant, the accuracy (according to The Gospels) was questionable, and unnecessarily violent. I realize the crucifixion is a gory subject, but the way it was presented was unbelievable. Christ may have been divine, but his body was earthly, and the unending flogging and such that transposed in this interpretation is medically impossible to survive. If the goal was to win over souls, it's not going to happen. The movie dropped you right into Gesthemane, with little background or explanation from that point forward. Were you not familiar with the biblical accounts, you'd have no idea what was happening. Gibson took large dramatic license with many of the events portrayed, and the resurrection was rather like any death scene from the "Star Wars" saga mixed with "Terminator". So yeah, not impressed.

This week our Internet Explorer crapped out on us. After much weeping and gnashing of teeth, we realized we didn't need to chuck our computer over a cliff - we could just use the MSN web browser. And then the sucking began. I guess it's better than nothing, or better than getting a new CPU, or better than trying to locate the Internet Explorer program disk (which is probably in a landfill in Maryville, Missouri, unfortunately), but it's pretty lame. There are very few practical features, and I'm sick of looking at that damn butterfly all the time. Please join me in a rousing rendition of John Vanderslice's "Bill Gates Must Die".

British Sea Power will be at The Bottleneck next week. I have to work. I am not happy about this. However, John Vanderslice will be there on the 8th, and I am taking two days off from work to properly enjoy the show. John and I will rock like there's no upcoming election that will determine the state of the free world.

Speaking of elections, this whole gay marriage thing is really heating up, eh? I've never given California much credit; these are the people who brought you Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and Blink 182, but this is rather an important leap into civilized society.

We're finally hooking up with good friends Brian and Steven tonight - for the first time in almost a year. Much celebrating and eating of Italian food will ensue. A good time will be had by all.

Song of the day: "The World In My Eyes" - The Cure (covering Depeche Mode)

Here are some points I've been meaning to make recently:

* Have you heard "Basketball Jones" by Cheech and Chong? Yeah. That's what Jack "Crap Stripes" White sounds like.

* Reservations for dinner on Valentine's Day are always a good idea. I will remember this for future celebrating.

* Being a responsible adult with a house has it's downfalls. Like when you open all the windows to air out the bleach smell after you clean like a banshee, and somehow the wind blows out the pilot light and you have no hot water. No hot water = no showers. Oh, the humanity.

* "Frozen fog" is a new meteorological term. What does that mean? Like if you walk outside you'll be frozen in one position due to the fog enveloping your entire body? I'm not buying it.

* Man, Sepultura kicked some major ass back in the day. You should start listening to them again.

* You see, I have a fetish for bad, bad music. So, in the interest of public disclosure, I have these Mp3's on my computer:

- "Prince Ali" from Aladdin

- "Stigmata Martyr" - Bauhaus

- a lot of Bon Jovi

- "One Night In Bangkok" - Chess

- "Disco Duck" - Rick Dees

- "Gimme That Nut" - Eazy E

- "In the Ghetto" - Elvis Presley

- "The Final Countdown" - Europe

- "Old Man River" - Frank Sinatra

- "Army of Me" - Helmet

- "Big Pimpin' (unplugged, even)" - Jay Z

- "Turbo Lover" - Judas Priest

- "Pass the Dutchie" - Musical Youth

- "She's Like the Wind" - Patrick Swayze (I did not download that, seriously.)

- "Faded" - Soul Decision

- "Orbital B-Bop" - Q-Feel

- "Winds of Change" - The Scorpions

- "Bang a Gong" - T Rex

- "Love Song" - Tesla

- "Courtesy of the Red White and Blue" - Toby Keith

- "If You Could Only See" - Tonic

- "Africa" - Toto

- "Right Now" - Van Halen

- "Too Cold" - Vanilla Ice and Korn

- "Miami" - Will Smith

* It's the fucking weekend. Amen to that.

Song of the day: "Gimme Danger" - The Stooges

Go see "Monster". It's really good.

Song of the day: "Warrior" - Public Image Limited.

Oh hell yes. More recent observations.

* Forecasted winter storms and the panic that ensues have replaced Cold War Fear in the Midwest. Honestly people, it's snow and ice - not something that will destroy life as we know it. (Unless you're a homeless person.)

* So everyone has their panties in a wad over this Super Bowl Janet Jackson breast exposure. Was no one offended by the American flag poncho Kid Rock had on? Let's discuss priorities, shall we?

* I went to my sister's senior night drill team performance last weekend. It was at the half time of a basketball game. Before hand, we walk in and see the Junior ROTC saluting the American flag while saying "Sieg Hiel". Were I not so shocked, I would have enjoyed the parallel between ROTC and the Hitler Youth.

* Here's a fun experiment: Just randomly say "Steve Perry" (Journey) to people of the 70's/80's generation and compile a percentage of how many explode into spontaneous laughter. It will happen more than you think. (Props to Kristy Berry and The Loop for this one.)

* It occurred to me today that when listening to music from my formative years, I don't really get that excited about Pearl Jam. I listened to them with much passion back in the day, but now they seem rather watered down and pedestrian.

* "Tiny Vessels" by Death Cab For Cutie is hands down the saddest song I have ever heard. Just thinking about it, embarrassingly enough, chokes me up. This is rather awkward when I'm in meetings, at gas stations, etc. It's the kind of song that you hope all your ex's hear and then realize you would have written it about them if Ben Gibbard hadn't beat you to it.

* John Kerry is in the lead. Hm.

Song of the day: "Out of the Races..." - The Rapture. God, I love that band. Unnaturally so.

I am here to annouce that I will still be listening to Jet and The Darkness, no matter how much I get made fun of.

Also, I am finally coming to terms with The Dismemberment Plan breaking up.

Finally, I received my "Cellar Door" (John Vanderslice) tee shirt in the mail yesterday. I will sleep in it every night and dream of John...

Songs I can't live without today:

"Get Down Moses" - Joe Strummer and The Mescaleros

"A Small Victory" - Faith No More

"Bleed American" - Jimmy Eat World

"Up Over the Sea" - John Vanderslice

The theme song from "Fraggle Rock"

"Volunteers" - Jefferson Airplane

"Love Rollercoaster" - Ohio Players

"Teenage Heart Attack" - Soledad Brothers

"Burning Down the House" - Talking Heads

"Sister Savior" - The Rapture

"Time of the Season" - The Zombies

"Gin and Juice" - Phish

Today is the 31st anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. I'm sure everyone can probably recite verbatim the lecture I normally give, so I'll spare you this time. Please check out this link for direction on supporting this important right for women. Also, if you would like a precise analysis of the Federal Government's participation in the limitation of these rights, please read this.

Song of the day: "Siren" - Tori Amos.

Today I caught "Furry Happy Monsters Being Glad" on Sesame Street. It ruled.

My continuing obsession with John Vanderslice has been furthered by the kind folks at Love Garden. I was there yesterday bumming around, and asked about the release date for the new Vanderslice album (which is the 20th, by the way), and was rewarded with a promo copy to borrow until the real deal comes out.

(Incidentally, the album title is "Cellar Door", a Donnie Darko reference. Way to go John!)

I am so cool.

And yes, the work is incredible. Preorder it on Barsuk now.

Song of the day: "Up Above the Sea" - John Vanderslice.

Barry Manilow is one of my secret obsessions. I can't get over what a horrible artist he is - I mean, he didn't even write "I Write the Songs". And "Weekend in New England" is the gayest song I have ever heard. Seriously.

Anyway, my sister Whitney also shares this dirty little secret, and for Christmas I got her a Barry Manilow live DVD. We watched it...and oh - what a performer...my favorite parts are when he's singing away, and he'll "spontaneously" get up from the piano and grab the mic and break it down. Amazingly, the piano part still keeps going. He's that talented.

I'm not sure why I'm disclosing all of this. It's just so bad it's good, you know?

Song of the day: "Mandy"- Barry Manilow.

And now it's time for everyone's favorite segment - Recent Observations!

* I was watching some kind of Trinity Broadcasting Network retrospective last night where I found out some very important things:
- Evidently God loves all 800 billion (?) people in China.
- This country disgraced God and our "Founding Fathers" by taking prayer out of school in 1962.
- The Supreme Court is full of godless heathen hypocrites.
- Token African Americans are very important for ratings.
- People in "war torn" Turkey (?) value satellite dishes over food.
- "Love gifts" ensure salvation.
- There's some guy named Jesus that gets misquoted a lot.

* Midwest weather is so weird. It's going to be 65 today, and then it's predicted to snow on Sunday.

* The right click button on our mouse is now defunct. You'd be surprised how much of a hindrance that is.

* Everyone is scrambling to either prove or discredit the viability of Howard Dean as THE Democratic candidate. I fail to see why anyone is bothering - this election was decided the day our country was attacked.

* I have been forced to start using facial moisturizer twice daily based on a shocking discovery of forehead wrinkles the other day. Oh, what a drag it is getting old.

* Willie Nelson has come out with an anti-war song. Better late than never, I suppose.

* According to some gossip I heard last night, our country is pulling all aid and military "guidance" out of Afghanistan, and returning control over to The Taliban or a similar group. I guess the war on terror is going about as well as the war on drugs.

* Midnight Oil was a great band. The fact that the majority of their work was created in the 1980's is all that more inspiring.

Song of the day: "US Forces" - Midnight Oil.

Don't you love The Rapture (the band, not the religious thang)? Boy, I do. They are just too much fun.

I'm reading a great book, "Gay Old Girls", by Zsa Zsa Gershick. It's a handful of interviews with (now) elderly lesbians about being gay in this country before the 1960's. It's very interesting. I feel there is more research emphasis on the historical male gay experience...Harry Hay and Mattachine and all that. While all that was certainly bold and groundbreaking and very important, it seems (according to these interviews) that lesbians had more of a challenge finding any type of "community" to speak of. I guess it's rather futile to say who was more oppressed - everyone suffered from the police raids, the community and familial scorning, lack of role models and an accessible and safe environment to really understand what being gay meant. Three cheers for discrimination and ignorance - the American Way!

Song of the day: "Virginia Woolf" - Indigo Girls

Healing from this flu is slow going. I know I'm not the most patient person in the world, but I have this naive notion that when you're on antibiotics and such, you get better fast. Nope. I have completed all the courses of my medication, not worked at all this week (that made me feel worse than being sick), consumed gallons of liquids, and sealed myself off from all other recognizable human life in order not to make anyone else ill. There are times when I've made real progress, so "cleverly" I'll try to get up and do something around the house. This exhausts me so much I usually end up back in bed wishing I hadn't tried in the first place. I'm really not a Christmas person, but this year has to rank among the worst I've experienced.

I cannot express to you how terrible this flu is. Please don't get it.

In other news, I was watching the Lawrence community channel last night on television, and they were showing this community theater production of "A Lawrence Nutcracker". Now granted, I started watching it in the middle (you know my fetish with bad television), but it was pretty messed up. From what I could discern, it was the traditional "Nutcracker" story (minus the Bolshoi Ballet, of course), but John Brown, noted "abolitionist", was a main character. He was singing and dancing interspersed with rants about slavery. I kept watching to see when he was going to take an ax and start chopping up people, but I got bored. These folks in Kansas are crazy.

I have THE FLU, the one that's killing children and small woodland creatures in Colorado. In fact, you should probably wash your hands after reading this post. I'm in some serious, serious pain. Although there's not much medically that can be done, I went to the doctor anyway and got some various inhalers and antibitoics. I know it's easy to say this every time one gets sick, but I don't remember ever feeling this bad. The ache in my neck and back is pure agony. I can't swallow my throat is so swollen. All I can manage to eat is Kemp's Cow Tracks Ice Cream and Malto Meal. Oh...woe is me.

Some Recent Observations

* I'm still doing lines of "90210" reruns every morning. This morning's episode involved underage drinking, democracy in action, and adults facing no consequences for supplying alcohol to minors. God, I love that show. It's so campy.

* The Episcopal Church is in severe disarray.

* Sliding doors on showers should have warning labels. I nailed my leg the other day on the metal base that the doors slide on, and now I have a rather bad-ass bruise on my leg. I just tell everyone I "fell down the stairs".

* Jack White has been roughing up people. Does this make him tough? Not in the least bit. That smarmy moustache just ruins it. No talent ass clown...

* Micheal Jackson has been officially accused. Let's all listen to "Smooth Criminal" in his honor, shall we?

* My sleeping pills work a little too well. I usually have a hang over until about noon these days.

* I just remembered I like Lake Trout. Damn, they're a fine band. Kindly check them out.

* Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than people at the grocery store who bag your groceries and decide to talk your ear off about things you don't want to hear.

Song of the day: "Oh Holy Night" - by some absolutely HORRIBLE guy who can't sing a lick. It's something my sister found for me. Remind me to burn it for you sometime.

I was coerced into attending a showing of "The Lord of the Rings - Return of the King" last night. I was placated with a bucket of cotton candy and an enormous diet coke and a night off from work, which made it more bearable. I didn't think it was that bad, but not that good either. On the other hand, I'm not a foaming at the mouth fan. I had to talk Jason down from the ledge afterwards, because he is one of those fans, and was quite perturbed at the betrayal of the books. The most entertaining part had to be the people who had dressed in costumes I assume were to represent characters, but they seemed to really be trying a little too hard. There were several times I had to stifle outward peals of laughter and disguise them as coughs. I can be quite obsessive about movies as well - "What's Up Doc?" for example - but you don't see me dressing up as a chinese dragon or anything. Yeah. I guess it takes all sorts.

I was listening to the "Hedwig" tribute album yesterday. I'm not sold. Frank Black singing "Sugar Daddy" is a little disturbing to me.

Song of the day: "The Decline of British Sea Power" - British Sea Power.

I try to be a reasonable person most of the time. But the details surrounding Mr. Hussein's capture are a little strange to me. Christian mementos, "rat holes" and hot dogs? Explaining who he was in English without putting up a fight? What little I know about the man makes me question the ease (not a single shot fired?) with which it all went down. Our government brought this guy to power, and maybe we have taken him out of power with the same careful orchestration and cooperation. And of course, this news comes close on the heels of the whole Haliburton thing - the press has dropped that story pretty quickly. Hm. Something to ponder as I prepare myself for another four years of George W. Bush.

Song of the day: "El Salvador" - Peter, Paul and Mary.

Saddam has been captured. The end justifies the means, right?

It snowed here last night. Quite a bit. Every year during the first snow, I stomp around and sulk, almost in disbelief of the weather - as if I haven't lived in this all my life. It never fails - I don't actually have an overpowering desire to go anywhere until I can't. Well, I could, but I'm trying to spare Whitey Mazda any further discomfort. It's now officially the "Stay Inside and Catch Up on Your Reading" season.

I had to get a tetanus booster shot when I was at the doctor the other day. The actual injection didn't hurt, but now my arm has swollen up, is all red and itchy, and really hurts. The fact that small children are subjected to this so they can attend public school is beginning to seem cruel and unusual to me.

Speaking of needles, one of my clients had to get a lab draw this morning. He's nonverbal, and has a limited understanding of things, so he was clueless when the nurse showed up before breakfast. Jason and I had to hold on to him pretty tightly to keep him still during the draw, and when the needle went in to his arm, he just looked at us like "you just woke me up, and now you're torturing me...what did I ever do to you?". It kinda broke my heart. Then he wouldn't eat his breakfast. Oh, it was sad. I tried not to get too teary eyed.

I have decided that I'm going to like Jet, no matter how much I get made fun of.

Song of the day: "Turn My Blue Sky Black" - Mooney Suzuki.

I saw "Sylvia" this weekend. It was excellent, but I can't think that anyone who isn't a Plath-head would really enjoy it. But all in all, quite good, and right on the mark as far as acccuracy goes.

I finally broke down last week and went to the doctor and got sleeping pills for my tiny insomnia problem. Please do not make any hasty judgements with this news and the previous paragraph's subject matter. And oh, how they lull me to dreamland! It's like floating on a warm cloud into blissful peacefulness. Every once in a while, I get out the bottle and look at it with pure gratitude. I'm on my way to having a persciption drug problem. Way to go me.

My father, looking very friendly and professional.

Today is my dad's birthday. He was born three days before the attack at Pearl Harbor. I love to give him crap about that. I normally abhor silly family posts, but my father is one of the finest people I've ever known, and I respect him very much. Tomorrow night I'm taking him out for thai food and good discussion. Happy birthday Dad!

I am quite guilty of having indie rock boy crushes. Yeah, I know it's kinda silly, but I do just the same. Although I have been crushing pretty hard on Jason McCann as of late, John Vanderslice will always hold a special place in my heart. I've been in love with him ever since I mistook him for a girlfriend from high school back at a Sunny Day show in 1997. He and I've got, like, history, you know? Anyway, he has a new album out January 20, titled "Cellar Door". Yes, it's a Donnie Darko reference. Yeah, that's official. I asked him and all. So order it on Barsuk, then sit tight and wait for him to visit a venue near you!

Song of the day: "Me and My 424" - John Vanderslice.

Just when I thought progress was being made...

Boy Punished for Talking About Gay Mom

LAFAYETTE, La. - A 7-year-old boy was scolded and forced to write "I will never use the word `gay' in school again" after he told a classmate about his lesbian mother, the American Civil Liberties Union alleged Monday.

Second-grader Marcus McLaurin was waiting for recess Nov. 11 at Ernest Gaullet Elementary School when a classmate asked about Marcus' mother and father, the ACLU said in a complaint.

Marcus responded he had two mothers because his mother is gay. When the other child asked for explanation, Marcus told him: "Gay is when a girl likes another girl," according to the complaint.

A teacher who heard the remark scolded Marcus, telling him "gay" was a "bad word" and sending him to the principal's office. The following week, Marcus had to come to school early and repeatedly write: "I will never use the word `gay' in school again."

A phone message left for Lafayette Parish schools superintendent James Easton was not immediately returned.

The ACLU is demanding the case be removed from Marcus' file and that the school apologize to the boy and his mother, Sharon Huff.

"I was concerned when the assistant principal called and told me my son had said a word so bad that he didn't want to repeat it over the phone," Huff said. "But that was nothing compared to the shock I felt when my little boy came home and told me that his teacher had told him his family is a dirty word."

There's probably nothing funnier than two college educated liberal white people in their late 20's sitting in their computer room smoking, drinking soda and singing along to "Straight Outta Compton" at 9:45 am.

"You think I give a damn about a bitch...?"

I'm just sayin's all...

Well, it's official. I'm getting old. Case in point:

* I have no patience with the new Triumph the Insult Dog video. It's just tasteless.

* I bought "O" by Damien Rice this weekend. Oh, it's so m e l l o w.


Oh, what a looker!

* I actually uttered these words this weekend: "You know, I should really be buying furniture and contributing to a Roth IRA rather than buying DVDs, albums and books all the time...".

* I frequently lecture my little sisters on the dangers of "living in the moment" (if you catch my drift).

* I get totally excited about going to concerts, then when it comes down to getting tickets the night of the show, I'm too tired and would rather sit at home with a book and mug of cider.

* I take my job way to seriously. Most of my conversations revolve around work. I've become that person.

* I get excited about sales at grocery stores, carpet cleaning and buying seasonal wreaths for the front door.

* I go to bed before midnight every night.

It's a sick sad world kiddies.

Song of the day: "Volcano" - Damien Rice.

This really isn't funny, except for the fact that it is...

"Paramedics called to the store found VanLester unconscious on top of a DVD player, surrounded by shoppers seemingly oblivious to her, said Mark O'Keefe, a spokesman for EVAC Ambulance."

I've always thought I've wanted to have a child. The desire was fairly strong, but compared to what it's been most recently, it was nothing. It's actually a full-on biological craving now, hardly hindered by rational thoughts that keep me popping my birth control pills. I guess my clock is ticking, which is a little premature to say because I'm only 26. Not only would having a child be really stupid for me now, but I'm not even sure medically I can. Does that make a difference to the "make a baby" hormones? Oh no. They flood my brain, rendering me into a primal wishful-breeding-thinking state at every diaper ad on TV, every rack of infant clothing at the store, and especially every time I see a child in public. And in Lawrence, that's quite a bit. I swear all people in Lawrence do is drink lattes and have babies. They're everywhere. Well, maybe not everywhere, it just seems that way. See what these hormones will do to you?

Song of the day: "Eat for Two" - 10,000 Maniacs.

Today's problem: I actually need to go out and shop. For like Kleenex and conditioner and daily run of the mill stuff. Dare I brave Target? No way. I'll just sit at home and hope the Household Goods Fairy drops by.

Yesterday was a great day for the right wing. Dubya dropped by Iraq to visit our brave men and women in uniform, doing so with an arrogance that can only come from knowing he didn't have to stay. Then there was the Dallas Cowboys halftime show, where Toby Keith and the Salvation Army proved that it doesn't have to be 1930's Germany to whip the country into a foaming-at-the-mouth patriotic Orwellian state.

"They could be made to accept the most flagrant violations of reality, because they never fully grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them, and were not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what was happening." - George Orwell, 1984.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

I live in a perfectly nice part of Lawrence. It's a newer area, in the northwest part of town. My neighbors are all college students, families, and five other Family Teaching Model Homes (what we do). But about a month ago, I found out there was a meth lab down the street. How did I find this out? Well, I was sitting in the living room on the clients side of the duplex and saw a guy running like a bat out of hell, followed by two policeman with revolvers drawn. I went outside and saw seven police cars, and about ten people all running around chasing each other. This went on for an hour or so. I got me really nervous, because this was happening around 3:30 pm, which is about time all the CLO clients get home from work (about 20 live on this street). It's really not a good idea to have developmentally disabled people around criminals, police car sirens, and guns.

This all happened again yesterday, only this time it started at the Ramada Inn (about a mile away), and of course, ended up on our street (the irony in this situation is our street is a cul-de-sac). This time I noticed because the chase was going on through the backyard. I watched the local news last night, and evidently the police never apprehended the suspect. He's still at large. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about our fine public safety department. I realize that for some of my readers, this is normal for your neighborhoods, but this offends my lily white sense of suburban security.

Song of the day: "In the Ghetto" - Elvis Presley.