True Majority clarifies a few issues...

Today I was trying to close the books for the department, and that always stresses me out. Reconciling money is always a shaky thing. On top of that, I was coming down off of my Vicodin/Diet Dr. Pepper morning cocktail, and using valuable brain cells scheming ways to get out of work before 5. So of course some damn co-worker comes up to my desk, bubbling with panic and pleading with me to save her or some such nonsense. Seeing that she had just come from the computer room, I halfheartedly feigned concern and asked what was wrong. Evidently, FireFox wasn't "on" the computer she was using. Not really understanding what the issue was, because Safari is installed on all the computers, I asked why she needed FireFox as a specific web browser. Would you like to know what the reason was? Because, of course, she needed to check her Gmail.

Duh.

I explained that Safari would work just as well (maybe better).

I went back to my desk, turned up my iTunes and painstakingly crunched numbers in a concerted effort to not cook the books, all the while wondering why she hadn't even bothered to thank me. What's that expression, again? Taken for granted? What's even more aggravating is the solution I provided should be obvious to anyone and everyone.

And this person makes a dollar more an hour than I do.

Yesterday my boss, who is a very business-like-seriously-intelligent-no-time-for-messing-around type, who I've worked with for nearly four months and have no idea her husband's name (I'm not complaining - I actually prefer it), who understands that she and I don't have to make small talk ever - we just discuss work and get it done, asked me if I'd seen "The Big Lebowski". I had to profess no. I spent the rest of the afternoon wondering why she'd seen it. I don't really know what's it's about, but the people I know who are way into it are nothing like her. It was kind of odd.

She also brought me taffy from Oregon.

I suppose I should get her a Boss's Day card. She's a pretty good boss after all.

How did the survey know I was a woman? Hm...

Attention ladies, underage girls, and federal investigators posing as underage boys:

Lest you get desperate about your dating rut, this is what's out there on the internet.

Song of the day: "Fool's Paradise" - Buddy Holly

Taken from Truth Explosion, because I feel the exact same way...

Dear Mr. Gibbard,

Seriously Ben, have you been following me around these past few years or so? I’ve been listening to your albums for only a short while now, but this question has been plaguing me the whole time. Here’s the thing though… up until a few minutes ago I didn’t know exactly what the question was. I would listen and listen to song after song and would perpetually be focused on the place I couldn’t quite put my finger on, thinking and thinking, thinking and thinking, thinking and thinking…

I think it was in the middle of Different Names For The Same Thing… I was lost in the warmth of a past memory and with the sudden clarity of a match being struck in the dark, it hit me. The proverbial “aha!” moment as it were, where I saw the forest for the trees.

Something in your music never fails to snatch me back to other times… happy times, sad times, times of depth… all these moments that I’ll never let go of … I know it’s sounds silly, but I listen to your albums and I get this feeling like you’ve been following me around through the years and have been writing songs loosely based on my life… where you changed just enough details to avoid being accused of cribbing ideas.

Like how I first heard Transatlanticism at the time when the two and a half hours of driving distance between me and my love was filling my head with a simple sentiment… I need you so much closer… It wasn’t hard chalking it up to mere coincidence then.

But now? When the love of my life has become an immutable source of continuity in my existence, someone I see with me for the rest of my days and I find my thoughts touching on the fact that one day we will have no choice but to say goodbye… how can I help but to find a sort of synchronicity between this and my receipt of your new Plans disc? I felt almost haunted listening to songs like Soul Meets Body, I Will Follow You Into The Dark and What Sarah Said. It seemed as though you knew exactly where I was going to be at, what I was going to be feeling going through this time, and you wrote these songs, that way on purpose so I’d have a perfect mirror to listen to when the time came.

Of course the whole he-has-been-stalking-me-for-lyrical-substance perspective could be rooted in abject narcissism. Well… ok, I’m sure it looks that way to the outside observer but we know the truth, don’t we Ben? Just don't forget to start sending the royalty checks to me, first name Cain, last name Arsenault, ok?

Cain Arsenault

Song of the day: "Soul Meets Body" - Death Cab

Quite possibly the most unnecessary article ever written...

"Firms with Bush ties snag Katrina deals"

Oh, what a surprise...

"Sitting with her daughter and other relatives, Trolkyn Joseph, 37, said men had wandered the cavernous convention center in recent nights raping and murdering children. She said she found a dead 14-year old girl at 5 a.m. on Friday morning, four hours after the young girl went missing from her parents inside the convention center. 'She was raped for four hours until she was dead,' Joseph said through tears. 'Another child, a seven-year old boy was found raped and murdered in the kitchen freezer last night.'"

And to make everyone feel a little better, how about a blast from our web past?

'An old man in a chaise lounge lay dead in a grassy median as hungry babies wailed around him. Around the corner, an elderly woman lay dead in her wheelchair, covered up by a blanket, and another body lay beside her wrapped in a sheet.

"I don't treat my dog like that," 47-year-old Daniel Edwards said as he pointed at the woman in the wheelchair.

"You can do everything for other countries, but you can't do nothing for your own people," he added. "You can go overseas with the military, but you can't get them down here."'

"God Punishing GIs Over Gays"

I don't even know what to say about this...probably just the typical "Fred Phelps will burn in hell for eternity" type of stuff so many of us Kansas City types have gotten so used to saying.

"For other fans, like Dorian Baxter, founder of Christ the King, Graceland Independent Anglican Church in Ontario, Canada, this is more of a pilgrimage.

"Elvis has been a great instrument to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ," said Baxter, a reverend who often performs in Elvis garb as "Elvis Priestly."

"And coming to Memphis in August," continued Baxter, dressed in a white linen suit and black silk shirt, "is just my way of paying respect to the man whose music has helped me bring people to the Lord."

If only you could see the look of contempt on my face right now...

Jason Sheets and I had the most long, drawn out ending to our marriage. It went on for years, despite new relationships, forced joint employment to keep us both out of poverty and vague excuses to family members. I finally cut the cord in February, even thought the initial separation had happened years earlier. The trip from Kansas to California was one of the most painful things I had ever done, because I knew at that point that part of my life was pretty much over. I listened to a lot of Death Cab on that trip, especially "Title and Registration". And what do you know? Death Cab has made a video for that song that is remarkably similar to what I experienced on that trip (excluding the near death experience on a mountain in New Mexico). Anyway, check it out...

Ok, so I'm the biggest slacker in the world with this blog. I used to post everyday back when I was youthful and full of ideals and such. Anyway, here are some updates:

*I saw Tom Waits at Safeway. Shopping. While his wife waited in their "I have a small dick so I overcompensate with my auto" SUV.

*I, along with Lisa Ann(e) Carbone, plan to take over the world. Quite soon. We've been having all kinds of meetings at work about it, and no one seems the least bit suspicious. Shout out to the BI folks and all that jazz.

*Bolton's in the U.N., y'all. Ha.

*I scored a previously undiscovered version of "Macarthur Park" at Amoeba last weekend. I found it in the discount 7" bin. It's recorded by a band called The Surprise Package, and it's all organ-y and such. Oh, you thought the Richard Harris version was bad. You ain't heard nothing yet... Now if only Gary Puckett has covered "Ruby Don't Take Your Love To Town"! That would be quite exciting.

*"Lost" is one hell of a show. I would recommend it.

*There's an autographed poster of Ween on the right of our computer desk. On the back wall facing me, there's an "Eraserhead" poster. On the left is a Nirvana poster. I think it's all a great plot by Jason to make me feel so uncomfortable back here I won't stay up all night playing online bingo.

Song of the day: "I Believe" - Stevie Wonder

Have fun, stay single.

Listen here, oh despairing single friends: Being in a serious relationship is overrated. Ninety percent of the time it's not even enjoyable. It's nothing but uneven compromise and injured emotions. It's a lot of hard work for very little, if any, reward...and it's not like you can transfer those reward points to your next account, if you catch my drift. Just listen to any Death Cab album.

"I became what I always hated/
when I was with you then..."

"There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade/
and now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all/
and here I rest where disappointment and regret collide/
lying awake at night..."

"All I see are dark grey clouds/
in the distance moving closer with every hour/
so when you ask "was something wrong?"/
I think "you're damn right there is/
but we can't talk about it now."

And if anyone would know, it would be Ben Gibbard...let's all join in for a rousing chorus of "The Sound of Settling".

Pack the sunblock...we should head up to Indie Rock Summer Camp y'all..

(courtesy of this Charming Man)

Song of the day: "Cruel Summer" - Bananarama

In heavy rotation...

* Spoon - Gimmie
* Beck - Guero
* David Bowie - anything
* Coheed and Cambria - anything
* Death Cab - Transatlanticism (quite possibly a perfect album)
* Buddy Holly - anything

Not in heavy rotation...

* The newish Mooney Suzuki
* The newish Tori Amos (sorry to say)
* The new Coldplay (it's been done, dude)
* The new John Vanderslice single (it may be a bad upcoming year for music, kids)

Blogs are so 2003.

"Reality Show Will Find New INXS Singer"

Kinda rude, isn't it?

And if the previous link baffled you, then Rosie O'Donnell's Blog should just plain piss you off. How did she get so far in life being so extremely challenged? From the looks of this blog, I doubt she could sign any contracts without a "special helper".

There are a lot of things in this world that make me really uncomfortable. Having someone carry on a conversation with you as they address you by a name not your own. Realizing you've been walking around for god knows how long with toilet paper stuck to your shoe. Standing behind someone in line at a restaurant trying to order from a menu not in their native language. Watching men cry. Especially big strong testosteroney men cry. And reading an interview where the "journalist" tries to convert Joey Ramone to Christianity. I think I've seen it all now.

Nothing rules more than a backwards countdown to a chorus that includes the line "...and kick my shit so hiiiiiiiiigh...". It's the kind of thing that is best sung while driving around town and night with a cig in one hand and the other playing air guitar (the picking kind). Who can offer this to you? Why Sunset Valley, of course!

Song of the day: "G.B.78.S." - Sunset Valley.

Abstinence Only is simply the most direct and practical faith-fucking site I've seen in years. I should really forward it to my little sisters in that all important "sisterly advice" kinda way.

Song of the day: "Orignial Sinsuality" - Tori Amos

I found this article while meandering around tonight. It's H.S. Thompson's September 12, 2001, article for ESPN.com. It's an interesting sliver of perspective.

This is why I'm never getting pregnant...things like this happen to me...

"The pontiff frequently condemned homosexual activity, and the Vatican launched a global campaign against same-sex marriage. In addition, the pope's condemnation of contraceptives was an affront to HIV-prevention advocates worldwide."

Yet George Bush called him "a champion of human freedom". I suppose he would think that, considering his attitudes and all.

"Their records only sold modestly, but 1980s British rock band The Smiths inspired unwavering loyalty from their fans -- and now, 18 years after they split, an entire academic conference devoted to their music and lyrics."


This would probably be a good thing for me to go to, considering I unfailingly misunderstand all Smiths lyrics...constructing entire interpretations of songs based on the misheard phrase "slender knees". It's quite embarrassing, actually.

ATTENTION, PEOPLE WHO CANNOT STOP THEMSELVES FROM WATCHING 24 NO MATTER HOW LUDICROUSLY IMPROBABLE THE PLOT GETS (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)



This link's for you...

Ha.

Song of the day: "Killed by the Cowboy President" - Rum Diary.

Normally very hip and way ahead of everyone else, I've decided to immerse myself in the life and times of Elliott Smith. I find him very intriguing, even though if we had met in his short time here, I probably would have told him to buck up and be a man. Still...one of those men I would have been mistaken to think I could save.

Song of the day: "Pretty Ugly" - Elliott Smith

You know, I'm usually a "like whatever music you want to" kinda person...Publicly admitting to a Barry Manilow and Destiny's Child fetish, and it's cool. But here's the deal: I feel like a loser listening to System of a Down. Fundamentally, they're not a bad band, but when I'm bebopping to them while, say, writing cover letters, it's kinda corny. Even more corny because the only other people I know who listen to them are those skinny goth pre-teens that skulk around neighborhoods at night with their headphones on. You know the ones I'm talking about...heavy on the eyeliner, shops at Hot Topic, has a name like "Brittany" or "Amber" or "Chamerlain", which is most decidedly NOT GOTH.

Song of the day: "Midnight Radio" - Hedwig...oh yeah, you should see that movie again tonight. It's so coolio.

"They say every form of refuge has it's price..."

After a week and half in my new life, the "vacation-y" type of excitement has worn off. Practicality, stability and survival have set in...and they're an awfully heavy burden. Although I am in a community not unlike where I grew up, my surroundings seem foreign, as if I'm unable to find north.

Song of the day: "Spider in the Snow" - Dismemberment Plan

We're finally off the road, safe and sound in Santa Rosa. It's beautiful, quiet and clean, which is always good. I have links and such for further photo essays on the sins of Las Vegas, but am too strung out to do a big cutting and pasting job (that's what eight days on the road will get you). I promise I will get it all posted one of these days (after I start looking for a job). In the meantime, everyone take care!

Song of the day: "Home Sweet Home" - Poison

Check it out:

Pics from vacation

"But the truth is I have no faith in happiness
It turns to fear, draws the devils near
So I jumped the fence
And went out west..."

- John Vanderslice, "White Plains" -

Talk to you all next from California...

Recent Observations: The Last Midwest Edition

* Contrary to what you may hear, "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" and "Pauly Shore Is Dead" are really quite funny.

* Whatever happened to Grandaddy?

* Against my better judgment, I watched the coverage of the inauguration. My favorite channel coverage was FOX, where the reporter stationed with the protesters misquoted them chanting "Hey George how are you feeling today" when the were actually saying "Hey George how many kids have you killed today". Shep Shepard, responding to the reporter said, "I don't think so". It was humorous.

* At the maturely styled McDonald's on Iowa there is no feminine hygiene vending machine in the women's bathroom. There is, however, a large bin of wetnaps in the lobby.

* Let's discuss Elliott Smith for a moment. I recently read an article in "Magnet" about his final year or so. Mental illness, fueled by vague memories of childhood sexual abuse, compounded by a heavy rotation of drugs (prescription and otherwise) all lead to disaster. It's really quite sad and tragic. All of this does give a better understanding of the music on his last album. "A Fond farewell to a Friend" indeed.

* I am unnaturally obsessed with Coheed and Cambria. It's emocore done right. I think the main reason I like them is because it's so much fun to sing along. Grab a brush or a cell phone, use it as a mic, and knock yourself out. A good time will be had by all.

* "The future is unwritten." - Joe Strummer

* Tori has a new album and autobiography coming out this month. Now that's exciting.

* You know, I like to support independent establishments. While eating at an upscale locally owned restaurant the other day, a strange thought crossed my mind. I know that it's owned by a middle-aged couple, and they probably spend a good deal of time there. What is they get a bit randy and have marital relations in the facility? This thought expanded to imagining that it happens on the table I was eating off of. Oh man. I couldn't finish my ravioli pomidore.

* Richard Marx has a new album out. I'll race you to Best Buy. Ready...set...no, it's ok...if you want it that badly I'll just wait here...

* Please kindly check out Free Nachos, a blog by an acquaintance of mine, Scott C. Jones. Scott and I both lived, learned and loved in Lee's Summit and Maryville. Truthfully, I hardly know him...he's the "friend of a friend" kind of thing. But seeing as we both come from common backgrounds, we could probably work well in a nuclear holocaust or similar crisis situation because of shared perspective. Or something. Just check it out.

* Songs I can't live without today:

- "Down" 311

- "Touch You Touch You" Hot Hot Heat

- "Take This Job and Shove It" David Allen Coe

- "Macho Man" The Village People

- "The Joy of Your World" MC Paul Barman

- "Lookinglasself" Snapcase

For important news, go here.

I am not particularly serious about this blog. I used to be, in the glory days of '03, but I was a much different person at that time. I had all this fierce individualism and such...and now I'm just a demographic - "Adult Alternative". I kid you not. I've spent many a night in that stage between turning off the bedside lamp and full-force REM patterns composing a post about this. But yet...this is all I can manage to eek out.

Anyway, when I get around to explaining myself, you'll be the first to know.

Song of the day: "Mediocrity Rules" - Le Tigre (J.D. is real hot like)

"So this is a great job. And yet I'm quitting it, at least for now. I want to stop before I join the horde of people who think I used to be funnier. And I want to work on some other stuff."

In absence of substance...

These songs are kicking my ass today:

* "This Charming Man" - Death Cab (covering The Smiths)

* "Turn My Blue Sky Black" - Mooney Suzuki

* "Nothingwrong" - Jimmy Eat World

* "A Distorted Reality is Now a Necessity to be Free" - Elliott Smith

* "Radio Clash" - The Clash

* "Another View Point" - Cornelius

* That damn Snow Patrol song. Seriously. It rules all over the place.

If you don't have this music, you really need to get with the program. Download it before your hipster stock devalues!

How can you not love this man?

Song of the day: "My Old Flame" - John Vanderslice.

John's new album is rumoured to be released next August. Please give pause for silent celebration...

Song of the day: "You Were My Fiji" - John Vanderslice

I have tickets to see Slint (a la reunion) in San Fran, and you don't.

Song of the day: "Good Morning Captain", Slint.

It's that time of year again, kids!

My backyard this week...

I bet you thought your Thanksgiving sucked. I bet you had to sit through several marginal meals (depending on how many step-families and in-laws were involved), defend the merits of your liberal arts degree with Uncle Morty, and then be insulted when your mother insisted you take home all the left left-overs because, you know, "with your salary, who knows when you'll eat like this again...".

And I'm sure you feel martyred.

Well, did your Thanksgiving involve a broken hand of mysterious origins?

I didn't think so.

So ha. I win this year.

Well this is interesting...


*****

Upon further research, I find all of this a little sick and sad...

My question is, how did this journalist cut through the accent to get this interview? I've been watching interviews with Mad Bob for 15 years and I still can't understand him...

The Cure Not Deluded by Revival

ROME (Reuters) - Goth rockers The Cure are enjoying an unexpected revival, but frontman Robert Smith isn't letting it go to his head.

"It's very flattering," Smith told Reuters Television late on Thursday after performing at the MTV Europe Music Awards, his first MTV event in 15 years. "But I'm not stupid enough to think it's an Indian summer.

"We realize that this upsurge in media attention is almost entirely due to very good young bands picking up on The Cure," added Smith, who wore his trademark red lipstick and heavy eyeliner under an unruly mop of hair.

When asked whether his fans should expect a new album on the back of the renewed popularity, Smith said: "Even when we were at our commercial peak in the late 1980s and early 1990s it didn't ever influence what I did."

After more than a decade of virtual obscurity, The Cure has reappeared on the international music stage amid praise from new alternative bands.

On Thursday night The Cure played for some 200,000 fans who turned out for a concert also featuring pop star Anastacia in front of Rome's Colosseum before showing up at the MTV awards on the outskirts of town.

But Smith said The Cure always avoided taking the main road to success.

"The reasons why we do what we do have always been the same and they're not really aspirational. It's never been something I wanted in order to get somewhere."

Just in case you've forgotten...



Cornelius rules.

Song of the day: "Another View Point" - Cornelius.

PBS does indeed rock (thanks to McJason for this one).

Song of the day: "Hello Texas" by whoever that redneck is.

"We're tryin' to find her, but people say she's crazy."

-- OutKast member Antwan "Big Boi" Patton, on his desire to work with reclusive English singer Kate Bush. I'm not going to even speculate the how's or why's of this situation.

Modest Mouse on SNL tonight. Check your local listings kids. This should be good...(snicker snicker)

Song of the day: "Doin' the Cockroach" - Modest Mouse

VICTORY 2004: PRESIDENT'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH INVITING THE 55 MILLION AMERICA-HATERS WHO VOTED AGAINST GOD TO BEND OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE A PRISON BITCH

Song of the day: "Biggest Killer in American History" - Bad Religion

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Let's just get it out in the open: I hate men. I really do. I'm not speaking in some broad all-encompassing gender study kind of way. I'm talking about individually. As a daughter, wife and romantic partner, completely self-centered men have surrounded me. All of these men have expected me to fill some kind of role in their lives - never once considering that maybe I won't neatly fit into a preconceived category just because I have ovaries. They all claim that they support all things feminist, but let me tell you, the misogyny is there bubbling under the surface. When I'm assertive, I'm bitchy (and probably suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome). When I wanted a divorce, I was selfish. When I decided marriage wasn't for me, I was immature and immoral. When I got fed up with financially supporting another man for a ridiculous amount of time while sacrificing my education and career goals, I was accused of not honoring commitment ("...that's what commitment is about..."). When I acknowledge that I'm a sexual being, I'm a slut. When I demand a satisfying relationship, I'm unrealistic. When I express the desire to have a child, it's thought that I'm trying to unfairly "trick" a man into some 1950's notion of responsibility. When I express any intellectual thoughts or theories, I'm patronized, because after all, I'm just a woman. What it all comes down to is that if I'm not living my life without prioritizing the impact it will have on these men first, I'm leading my life the wrong way. The idea that men are so concerned with the image reflected on them by the actions of the women in their life is quite frankly insulting.

Song of the day: "Land of Canaan" - Indigo Girls

I am allergic to everything. Including myself. I just had to let everyone know.

"The Motorcyle Diaries" was absolutely fantastic, and not just because it had Gael Garcia Bernal portraying one of my favorite Marxists...although it did help.

It was wonderfully subtle, which I liked...I was actually dreading a scene where the clouds would part and Che would see the light of crimson tide (that would be communism, folks, not menstruation). And the scenery (besides Bernal) was fantastic.

A lot has transpired as of late. For one, I quit my job. Unfortunately, my last day isn't until January 29, but there's at least a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm moving to northern California with Jason McCann. I know. I surprise even myself.

My family is divided on the decision. Half (my mother and assorted sisters) are supportive and hold their reservations to themselves. The rest (father and assorted sisters) are "stunned and speechless", so much so they have decided to stop talking to me altogether. You'd think I'd announced I was starting a cult or something. Oh well. I can't very well expect these people to treat me as the adult that I am if they don't behave that way in the first place.

In other news, I went back to Maryville this weekend for an extended period of time. Michael Moore was in town to speak at Northwest. Never thought I'd see the day, actually. He gave a solid predictable speech, and extended much warmth to the twelve Young Republican demonstrators. They didn't appreciate it. Actually, I'm not sure they registered it. Every time he spoke directly to them, they looked like a deer caught in headlights. It was a tad funny.

I saw people there I hadn't thought about in years. All the liberals I've known over the years, who all stuck together like glue at that school, came back for the occasion. It was quite a big deal, when you think about it. After Mr. Moore and La Bonita (they still serve bef chucks) and catching up with Lisa and Matt, we Pubbed it. Oh, The Pub. It hasn't changed. There were two bands performing, Vago and Lovetap. Vago had a lead singer/guitarist on remote who finished up the last song playing a solo while running through the bar. I think I may have come close to shooting Diet Coke out of my nose. He almost fell over Lisa and Jason. Good times, kids.

Other than that, there's not much going on. I got beat up by a client while driving on Mass Street on Tuesday. It was so bad, I had to pull into a parking space and wait for someone to come help. During the time I was there, getting my glasses broken, arms, neck and back scratched, hair yanked, clothes ripped, etc., not a single person stopped to see if I needed help. That's kind of disturbing. I ended up in the ER, and got a tetanus shot. Yeah, that was fun. Then I had to go back to work and finish out the other ten hours of my shift. If I hadn't already quit, I would have done so. I thought about quitting again.

The good news is I'm going to see Death Cab tomorrow night. And let me tell you, I need some good times right about now.

Song of the day: "This Charming Man" - Death Cab (covering The Smiths)

"When you are truly desperate, it is hard to care about anything external to your situation..."

Long time friend Steven Melling has written about the unlikelihood of our generation achieving The American Dream (TM). Well, at least before 40.

As I write this, I am making preparations to relocate to northern California, like a Steinbeck character with a naive hope of a better life. Sometimes I think I'm putting off the responsibilities of adulthood, but is it more that a mortgage and a two car garage and diapers are impossible to achieve in this economy? I was never prepared for adulthood in school, just taught enough to "get by". And that's what I'm doing now. Maybe "getting by" will be more bearable without snow and tornados.

You think smoking the Mary Jane is harmless? Well, think again...

"Marijuana Smoker Beheads Two Women"

Anyone told NORML about this?

Random Maryville pic...



Song O' The Day: "And Justice For All My Loving" - Beatallica

Take the quiz: "What Kind of Soul Do You Retain?"

Dark
"You haven't lived an all-so-happy life, and it's taken it's toll. Malice and cynicsm rotate around all your thoughts, and you are always prepared for the worst."

Bet you never could have seen this coming, huh?

Song of the day: "Cruel" - Tori Amos.

Mac. In a "Wheel of Fortune" commercial. (insert hysterical laughter here)

The Official Snack of Hip-Hop!



I swear I am not making this up. I picked up a case of "Master P Rap Snacks" yesterday at Harvesters. I got a box of about 150 of them for $1.50. For those of you who are hankering for a snack named after a has-been rapper, try ordering some from Rap Snacks. Master P not your style? Try any of their varities, such as "Paster Troy Hot Cheezie Popcorn", "Pretty Willie Salsa Cheese Chips", "Lil Romeo BAR-B-Quin' with Honey Chips", "Warren G Cheezie Nacho Chips", "BBD Back At the Ranch Chips", and "Magic Honey Dew Cheese Curls". Oh my god. This is too funny. Evidently from the info on the packaging, they sell these at record stores. I guess they don't have much marketing at the record stores I go to. I'm currently hording packages to pass out, so if you want one, drop me an email. They ain't your baby's daddy's rap snacks. Please check out the Snacktrax, too.

Song of the day: "Mo' Money Mo' Problems" - Biggie

"Kill the people to set them free..."

Song of the day: "Worried Man Blues" - Woody Guthrie

Ok...so I saw "Donnie Darko" in the theater a while back. The new additions, especially the further explanation of Roberta Sparrow's Philosophy of Time Travel really clarified things for me. The music changes, however, get me all upset. The opening scene, which originally featured "The Killing Moon" by Echo and the Bunnymen has been replaced with INXS's "Never Tear Us Apart". Now that's a great song, from a great album, and it certainly does evoke 1988 for a lot of us, but it's just not the same. "The Killing Moon" just hits all the right chords. I think it should be the opening song for all movies...perhaps even for every event in life, in a "soundtrack of your life" kinda way. These include:

* Dramatic relationship discussions

* Opening your federal tax refund check

* receiving difficult medical diagnosis ("Oh the humanity!")

* Walking into any club or restaurant at any time where you're trying to locate the friend you were to meet that didn't show

* Any staff meeting where admin pulls some kind of bullshit and you realize your life is a hollow lie (just picture the zoom in on your face as your frustration festers)

* Any time Grandma Death tells you that everyone dies alone (which happens all the time)

In other news, I have strep throat. Whee. I'm always sick. You know why? Because I never get a break from work. My company only has three subs for 25 houses right now, which means no one gets a break. There are people who have children's weddings to attend, other folks who are going into labor soon, and then those of us who have communicable diseases with fever, and we're all being told to just deal, because there's no chance we're getting staff in. We already work an average of eighteen hours a day (but get paid for eleven!), do back breaking work that includes pointless paperwork, cleaning up bodily fluids, getting beat up on a weekly basis, and running "teaching programs" that are entirely out of the scope of ability for our clients and then have to try to explain to people who've never done direct care a day in their lives why it's not working...and now we can't even use our PTO's when we need to. This is not a job you can choose to just not show up to. Social service can be very rewarding, but not when you're practically slave labor. And here's the best part: our director is having a seminar this week entitled "Turning Over Turnover". Pardon me while I laugh myself right off this chair. There's only so much you can ask of employees, and when you're asking triple or quadruple what can be reasonably done, and then treat them like they're expendable on top of that, of course you're going to have turnover. (Editor's note: She's ranting again.)

Ah well. We can get a big phat referral bonus check for getting other people hired...and man, I wouldn't wish this job on my worst enemy. Except possibly the few government officials who cut federal and state funding for this population. And the strangers who have to tell me how "special" I am to work this job when they see me in public with my guys. Or people who think that all MR/DD people are like Corky from "Life Goes On". Oh man, I hate those people. I think they think that every time I work I learn some important life lesson or something. Ha. I'm just trying to duck the chair being thrown at me while making sure someone isn't bolting out the front door while trying to teach someone how to prepare dinner while reminding someone that it's not appropriate to walk around the house without pants on. I'm thankful if at the end of a shift I still have my glasses intact and no one's eaten off the floor or flushed the medication administration records down the toilet. The only life lesson I'm learning here is, and pardon me if this sounds coarse, is the value of birth control.

Song of the day: "Bukowski" - Modest Mouse ("...who would want to be such an asshole...")

I'm going to see "Donnie Darko" in the theater today and you're not (unless you happen to be five of my closest friends)! So ha.

Song of the day: "Touch You Touch You" - Hot Hot Heat (remember them? they were so great for about two weeks...)

I have had a terrible, awful, really bad day, and tonight's RNC pep rally did nothing to improve it. As if any of us need reminding, the Republican Party is dangerous and scary. All of Bush's empty promises mean little when so many of the citizens of this country try to sleep tonight while agonizing over how to pay bills, how to procure health care coverage for their child, or wondering if and when they'll find a job. What makes all of this worse is I know he will win again. I, and roughly half the population, can get as angry as we want. It's not going to change a goddamn thing. I can't wait to see how beaten down we'll be in another four years.

Song of the day: "American Idiot" - Green Day.

You seriously have to see this movie. I'd try to explain it to you, but it defies explanation. And since when is bagpipe music erotic?

Here's what's been bothering me as of late: I used to care about things. Relationships, politics, the future, my bank account, being somewhat successful...all of these used to hold some importance in my life.

I have found over the past year that I have no motivation to move forward. Moving forward is not the same as getting out of a situation, mind you, which I want desperately. But the very adjectives that used to propel me, or at least nudge me, to wake up every morning and "fight the good fight" now seem monumental tasks that I haven't the knowledge or energy to approach effectively. It's all so fucking pointless. I can't change things, and I seriously doubt you can either. People don't change, the world doesn't change, no matter what good intentions or rationales we give. So why bother?

Remember that whole "Gen X" thing that folks got such a hard-on for about ten years ago? Yeah, it's like that. I know the "misanthropic-quasi-liberal-do-gooder" thing gets damn old...I live it after all.

Rawk, y'all...

Song of the day: "A Favor House Atlantic" - Coheed and Cambria.

I have reluctantly contributed growth to this pithy economy by sort of purchasing a car this week. It's a 2001 Honda Accord. It's nice, or so I'm told. I haven't actually seen it, but I'm going to pick it up tomorrow. Now I have mostly reliable transportation, but more importantly, I have to finally let go of my prized Whitey Mazda. Oh, sad day! Whitey and I have been through some times...let me tell you. I guess I'm going to donate it to some charitable organization, because in reality it's a fine automobile, and desperately loyal and all that stuff you look for in a...dog, I guess. But, it's not practical to have an auto on it's last leg rotting in your garage.



On the brighter side of things, I'm going to see Weird Al again next Friday. This will be the second time this year, and I'm muy excited. I have been pre-concerting for the past month by watching videos and celebrating his entire catalogue. If he plays "Living With a Hernia", it should be dedicated to me.

"Too much bad pain
Good gawd, drives me insane
Can't run, barely crawl
Got a bulge in my intestinal wall
Walk real funny, bless my soul
Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl
You can't even do the splits now...Better call it quits now
I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow..."

Song of the day: "A Small Victory" - Faith No More.

And that's really when I started to cry...

The saddest thing happened to me yesterday.

I was bumming up and down Mass (it was payday), and I stopped at Brits, a locally run estab that imports your general Guinness/Masterpiece Theater junk that Americans just eat up with a big old soupspoon. Way in the back, there was a selection of perfume. I normally don't wear perfume, but if I find something that smells pretty and doesn't turn me into a walking bright red ball of hives, I pick it up. They had some rose scented perfume, and it was $25, but I figured I would splurge and pick some up. It smelled heavenly on me, and I had no immediate problems when I sprayed some on my wrists.

You have to understand that due to a very psychologically scaring episode of poverty two years ago, I have a hard time justifying purchasing anything that doesn't directly relate to food or shelter. $25, although a drop in the bucket compared to what I make, seems so much to me, and I was really buying this under pressure from my therapist (who feels I do nothing to make myself happy whatsoever). So I did it, and tried not to obsess about how I could have used the money to pay down the principal on my student loans.

I went from Mass down to the movie theater, where I left my perfume in the front seat of the car. As I was going home after the film, about half way down Kasold, I discovered the perfume bottle had shattered from the mix of the alcohol and the heat, and all of the perfume was in the bottom of the plastic bag it was in.

My eyes started to burn, and I felt the tears stinging my eyelids. I started appropriately enough, with a few big fat tears running down my cheeks, but the more I thought about it, the sadder I got. The "ugly cry" started, with actual wailing and sniffling and mascara running. Jason offered me Crazy Bread from Little Caesars to cheer me up, but I refused.

I cried this way over my useless purchase and money wasted for about 45 minutes. It was really horrible. I suppose I was probably crying over a lot of things that this broken perfume bottle symbolized in a Sylvia Plath kind of way (five paragraph theme, anyone?). But I'm not going to go into all that with you. That's what I pay my therapist for every week.

Song of the day: "Precious Things" - Tori Amos.

I have decided it's time for a change.

Song of the day: "A Praise Chorus" - Jimmy Eat World.

Recent Observations - The Annoying Edition

* Tomorrow I have what I'm sure is only number two in a long line of "diagnostic testing", which I wholeheartedly believe is really cruel and unusual punishment. It's some sort of input/output test to see how much substance my stomach is really retaining. Since I'm scheduled for this because of the pictures (in living color) gathered from my endoscopy of retained food, what's the point of this test? There is hard evidence that this is happening, why torture me further? Is this some Big Brother conspiracy to slowly beat me down physically until I'm so weak I can't vote in the upcoming election? Ha. Nice try Right Wing.

* While I have been guilty of being The Man, and am currently technically kind of The (Wo)Man, it's not going to stop me from complaining ceaselessly about administration. It doesn't really matter if it's from my workplace or yours. They're all callous and smug. "Save a buck anyway you can...and smash any inkling of worker's rights...".

* I'm seriously listening to MC Hammer right now. I can't go so far as to disclose which song, but yes, Vanilla Ice is next on the playlist.

* My dear sister, Merideth, broke her leg on Sunday. A month before she leaves for college. Now tell me that doesn't suck.

* The staff member who is covering our hours at work tomorrow called tonight to say that she had to be gone by 5:00pm because she had a tattoo appointment at 5:30. ???? Do you have to schedule a tattoo? I thought that was the kind of thing you did on a drunken whim.

* I had to wear a Pixies shirt today because it was all I had clean. I hate the Pixies. And then when I got to the office for marathon meetings, I had to field questions about not only my disgusting eye, but whether I planned on seeing them in October. Oh, piss off. I don't care if it's camp or not.

* Jay Z said it best..."I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one...". Preach on, Brother J.

Song of the day: "Remember Me" - British Sea Power, "Roulette Dares" - Mars Volta, and "Bring the Noise" - Public Enemy and Anthrax (now that's camp).

Put your hands together for Mac Tonnies and the Spiders From Mars!

(Am I the only person who will get that Bowie reference? Probably...)

I attended Mac's discussion/book signing at The Plaza Barnes & Noble Saturday night. I will be the first to admit that I was reluctant to read the book; I have an embarrassingly poor scientific/academic foundation with which to clearly understand such things (yup - I went to public school - thank you tax dollars!). Mac, however, discussed the generalities and specifics in such a user-friendly way, that I went home and started devouring it. The premise of his research is certainly interesting, and I'm currently trying to wrap my head around the social/cultural/theological/scientific consequences of extraterrestrial anthropology, which is a nice break from paperwork.

It's nice to have brilliant friends.

In other news, a precise breakdown of my formative years will begin tonight on VH1 with "I Love the '90's". A good time will be had by all.

Song of the day: "Cock Mobster" - MC Paul Barman.

Life is pain, princess...anyone who says differently is selling something...

I survived my EGD and colonoscopy...barely. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through, and I saw "Robin Hood - Men in Tights" in the theater. I've done all of this before, but it seemed much worse this time. During the EGD, I gagged and wretched so badly that I ruptured some of my capalaries in my face and eyes, which left dermal bruising and sub-conjuctival hemorrhaging in my right eye. I look like someone who has been strangled. It ain't pretty.

My colon looked good, although I'm still waiting for results on the biopsy. The upper half, however, is a mess. I have massive esophogial errosions, a hiatal hernia, and although I fasted for nearly 24 hours, there was still undigested food left in my stomach. Evidently my stomach is not processing food the way it should, probably because the pressure from the hernia is smashing my stomach into a sort of pocket that retains all sorts of fun things, which leads to increased acid production, which aggravates the hernia and causes the errosions. How fun is that? Normally this could be treated by medicine, but I happen to be allergic to the class of medicines that would help, so surgery may be my only option. Do I have time to have surgery? Not if I want to rule the world in a timely fashion.

I'm only 27. I've already been through hell with my damn G.I. system. I'm beginning to wonder what will fix me so I can live a somewhat normal life without pain. Of course my specialists all recommended that I stop smoking and lose weight, which sounds all fine and dandy from their perspective. It was almost as if they were insinuating that all of this could magically be cured if I would just straighten up and fly right. Yes, these circumstances have contributed to these problems, but it doesn't change the fact that there is a problem, and it needs to be fixed. I'm certainly not doubting their advice, but sometimes I get the feeling that I could walk in to the E.R. with a broken arm and I would be told that my weight caused it. So then the guilt begins. I've started having all these knee-jerk reactions...should I have gastric bypass surgery and fix this weight thing forever? Should I find a different line of work that doesn't put me under so much stress so I eat and smoke way too much? I bring these points up to doctors and they rush to say that I don't warrant those kind of extreme solutions. So I wonder what is the solution...because so far an answer has escaped me.

Song of the day: "Professional Widow" - Tori Amos.

Life is pain, princess...anyone who says differently is selling something...

I survived my EGD and colonoscopy...barely. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through, and I saw "Robin Hood - Men in Tights" in the theater. I've done all of this before, but it seemed much worse this time. During the EGD, I gagged and wretched so badly that I ruptured some of my capalaries in my face and eyes, which left dermal bruising and sub-conjuctival hemorrhaging in my right eye. I look like someone who has been strangled. It ain't pretty.

My colon looked good, although I'm still waiting for results on the biopsy. The upper half, however, is a mess. I have massive esophogial errosions, a hiatal hernia, and although I fasted for nearly 24 hours, there was still undigested food left in my stomach. Evidently my stomach is not processing food the way it should, probably because the pressure from the hernia is smashing my stomach into a sort of pocket that retains all sorts of fun things, which leads to increased acid production, which aggravates the hernia and causes the errosions. How fun is that? Normally this could be treated by medicine, but I happen to be allergic to the class of medicines that would help, so surgery may be my only option. Do I have time to have surgery? Not if I want to rule the world in a timely fashion.

I'm only 27. I've already been through hell with my damn G.I. system. I'm beginning to wonder what will fix me so I can live a somewhat normal life without pain. Of course my specialists all recommended that I stop smoking and lose weight, which sounds all fine and dandy from their perspective. It was almost as if they were insinuating that all of this could magically be cured if I would just straighten up and fly right. Yes, these circumstances have contributed to these problems, but it doesn't change the fact that there is a problem, and it needs to be fixed. I'm certainly not doubting their advice, but sometimes I get the feeling that I could walk in to the E.R. with a broken arm and I would be told that my weight caused it. So then the guilt begins. I've started having all these knee-jerk reactions...should I have gastric bypass surgery and fix this weight thing forever? Should I find a different line of work that doesn't put me under so much stress so I eat and smoke way too much? I bring these points up to doctors and they rush to say that I don't warrant those kind of extreme solutions. So I wonder what is the solution...because so far an answer has escaped me.

Song of the day: "Professional Widow" - Tori Amos.

Mac Tonnies...I know him!



For your reading pleasure, Mac's new work is now available where all fine books are sold. While it has been purchased, I haven't yet had time to read it, but I can say with full authority that the back cover is fascinating!

Song of the day: "Paperback Writer" - The Beatles.

I want to write this short story about this late twenty-something woman who has had a string of lame sexual partners and has all but given up on any glimmer of satisfying sex. She's tried it all...vibrators, lesbians, etc., but finally resigns herself to the fact that for her personally, sex is a routine self esteem booster for whoever she's with. She has the script and the blocking memorized...knows when to move and what to say to bring on the much anticipated finale and post-coital cigarette. She is sick of hearing "...sorry I finished so fast, but you're so tight you just get me there so soon...". Then one day she finds this guy who's a perfect mix of John Vanderslice and Jake Gyllenhaal and Paul Rudd (hey - it's my story, ok?), and through much sensitivity and patience and lust, he finds her G spot. Her life becomes one of those female sexual aid commercials. She no longer dreads sex, but actually inks it in to her schedule on a regular basis. The boyfriend, however, becomes insane with the power of his discovery. In typical male manifest destiny fashion, he wants to claim the lower interior wall of her vagina for himself. He want to plant a flag there, claiming it for his crown. He believes his "discovery" makes him the lord and master of that domain. They fight. She screams at him that he didn't discover anything, that it was there all along, he just marched his troops into the right place at the right time. She decides that all men, however misleading they may be, are at their most fundamental just power hungry dictators. I'm not sure how the story will end. Maybe she'll go postal. Maybe she'll be grateful and become a dutiful Suzy Homemaker. It's really hard to find a resolution.

Song of the day: "Glory Box" - Portishead.

Recent Observations...back at ya!

* About two years ago, I had some very serious gastro-intestinal problems that ranged from my mouth to my...well, I'm sure you can guess. After various scopes, medicines, treatments, allergic reactions, surgeries and polyp removals, I finally got better. Or so I thought. My problems have flared up again, with much gusto, and I've been a regular visitor to the Lawrence Memorial Hospital emergency room, Lawrence Family Physicians and Lawrence Internal Medicine as of late. I'm looking forward to an upper GI scope, colonoscopy and colon biopsy next Friday...all in the name of exploration and diagnosis. How are you celebrating our nation's birthday?

* So I hosted a "Revolution CHO" party this weekend. Said Cho special was premiering on the Sundance Channel, and it was horrible. She must be on drugs again. I was really disappointed. We all love Margaret so much, and she's let us down. Although the "...her pussy just fucking exploded..." part was pretty funny.

* Speaking of being let down, the new Cure album hits the pavement next week. I mean literally. From what I've heard of it, anyone who buys it will promptly toss it out the window after the first listen.

* Ok. I'm going to admit it. I actually like the new Morrissey album. Let's just keep that between us, ok?

* Have I mentioned that I am now the proud owner of "Woman and the New Race" by Margaret Sanger? I'll spare you the details, but I found a sixth edition print hiding in the basement of antique store on Mass. I scored it for $1.50, which is really a steal considering the Comstock laws had rendered it all but extinct.

* There's a saying that every working woman needs a wife. I'll have to agree with that.

* I'm so sick of turning on any news program and seeing doe-eyed Bill Clinton whining about his childhood and his $10 million book deal. I don't care about his life. His presidency was marginal at best. He's so '96.

* Have you been catching "The Daily Show" lately? John has been rather bold but cavalier in his interviewing styles. It's rather awkward at times.

Song of the day: "Fly" - Cornelius (who is brilliant).

Song of the day: There are none. Most of my cd collection has been trashed beyond playing ability. Oh, the sadness. Pity me!

Let me take this opportunity to announce the newest blog around town, The Unemployment Pages, written by the man who has a better music collection that I do -- Jason McCann. Read it and weep, kiddos!

Song of the day: "Can't Decide" - Orange 9mm.

Ch-ch-check it out...

* The new Beastie Boys is all that and a side of jalapeno chips.

* Raise your hand if you really hate Rummy now! (Yeah, I feel ya.)

* I am going to see "Troy" this weekend in a feeble attempt to get as many crotch glimpses of Brad Pitt as humanly possible.

* Need New Body is alternately immature yet brilliant. Just like you thought you were in junior high.

* My general practitioner actually encouraged me to NOT stop smoking. I rule.

* Do you ever feel your job would be great without administrators and managers? Me too.

* So this weekend Jason purchased the "Rust Never Sleeps" DVD (Neil "Kickass" Young and Crazy Horse)...and there's this weird stage prop that we just couldn't figure out. The best we could estimate was that it's a chicken in bondage gear. The 70's were rough on everyone.

* On the Issac Mizrahi show this morning, Issac interviewed the cast of "Law and Order". Evidently Jerry "Kickass" Orbach used to be a song and dance man. Now my concept of "Law and Order - The Musical" can really take form.

* I still haven't picked up my Vanderslice/Yankovic photos yet. Are you really surprised? This is me we're talking about. (They've already called twice to let me know they're ready. And I've been to the Walgreen's where they are like 15 times since then.)

* Man, the lineup for this year's Lollapalooza looks damn fine. I think we should all go (if we all weren't so old and decrepit - broken fingers, herniated disks, middle class flu, etc.).

* The new album by Trent "Kickass" Reznor sure looks great!

Song of the day: "Love Boat" - Jack Jones.

I would like to challenge anyone in this country to find any other person who has a roll of film that consists completely of pictures of Weird Al and John Vanderslice (not together, although that would be one hell of a show). I just don't think that happens very often.

I saw Weird Al last Wednesday night in Topeka. He gave a great performance worth every cent of the $37 ticket, despite certain personal tragedies as of late (his parents both dying of carbon monoxide poisoning). All of my favorites were sung, except "Living With a Hernia", which I guess would have been hard to do without a horn section. The best part were the video clips inbetween numbers. The whole audience would recite them in unison ("....yo, ding dong man, ding dong yo...").

I'd never quite seen a crowd like this before. Oh, I'd seen people like this separately at state fairs, buffet restaurants, Ren Fairs, and on shows about Trekkies, but not all together in one place. It was kind of scary, but funny.

Song of the day: "Angry White Boy Polka" - Weird Al.

So Jason and I trekked to Grinnell, Iowa, this weekend to see John Vanderslice again on this tour. Have you ever been to Iowa? I really hadn't before, and now I realize I've missed nothing. We did get a kick out of the regional gas stations, Kum And Go though. We actually contemplated buying one of their tee shirts which had the slogan "Kum And Go: We Go All Out", but we didn't know where we could wear it without giving people the wrong impression.

We arrived late on Friday night at Grinnell's Country Inn, and awoke the next morning to a lovely view of a farmer spraying a heroic dose of pesticides all over the field behind the hotel. It was about this time I noticed huge welts popping out on my arms and neck, which were made larger and more painful after bathing. This discomfort was further compounded by the fact that the water left a greasy residue that couldn't be rinsed off. It was pretty darn nappy, I must say.

Before the show on Saturday, we ventured out to see what the town was like. The campus was nice - very compact and orderly. And that was about it. There wasn't really much to be seen. I kind of felt bad for these kids...I could definitely relate after living (and dying) in Maryville for years. We spent a good amount of time wandering the campus looking for the show - finally some student took pity on us and led the way. The show ended up being in a downstairs lounge in a building I thought might have been The Union. Upon first glance I was nonplussed. It was super small, with ratty couches, no stage to speak of, etc., but it turned out to be way cooler than initially thought. There was actually a real coffee shop off of the lounge, you could smoke in there, and evidently Grinnell is a wet campus, because all these kids were casually walking in with 40's and bottles of JB. What kind of college experience is this? Not one I had, I say. And let me state for the record, the indie bug has bit something fierce around there. Gotta love that banana Republic "just rolled out of my IKEA bed" look...

The first two bands were local college bands. Oh dear. Dear, dear, dear. I think they heard John was playing last week, and decided to start a band for the hell of it. I know I'm old and snobbish and short on patience, but I don't know if I would have politely suffered through anything like that were John Vanderslice not the light at the end of the tunnel. I noticed he wisely left and went back to the hotel for both sets. And then it was time.

Jason and I were right up front. We were standing behind the "I'm Not Impressed By Anything" couple (who didn't move a tic the whole night), so I made sure I danced all in their space and sang like a banshee into their ears the whole time. I was totally being one of those fans...cheering and clapping and screaming out song titles the whole time, while balancing a cigarette and a camera. Evidently my persistence paid off; after whining about "Me and My 424" the whole set, John finally pointed at me and told me in a stern voice that they were going to play it in a minute. Good thing, too. It was the highlight of the show. Although most of the crowd was so young I could have been their babysitter from birth, they were die hard...singing and dancing (very unlike the Lawrence crowd) in a very supportive manner. It was super fun - I think the audience can make all the difference. And there was this girl - oh man. She had on this shirt that said "If your name is John Vanderslice I will have sex with you tonight". She cornered him after the show. He was so mortified. I heard snipets of a lecture he was giving her that went something like "you don't have to do this...just buy a record...". He spent the rest of the night running away from her, so she started on the rest of the band who seemed a bit repulsed about an 18 year old girl inviting them back to her dorm room. While they are rock stars...they aren't that kind of rock stars. She probably just went back to her room, got drunk, and bonded with her vibrator.

We waited patiently while all the kids swamped John. Being that he's of a gracious upbringing, he talked with everyone who wanted to (and even those who didn't). When our turn came around, he was so excited that we'd driven from Lawrence, I thought he was going to offer to pay for our rental car. He was signing things for us right and left, pumping our hands madly, hopping around like a kid with ADHD and thanking us profusely. I think that if I'd told him how much we really love him around this house he might have had an aneurysm. It's nice that he's like that. I hate that whole jaded indie scene.

So that's about it. It was a lot of fun. Now I just have to see him in his hometown to be complete. Pictures from the show will appear on here when I get around to using the rest of roll of the film.

Song of the day: "Coming and Going on Easy Terms" - John Vanderslice (or should it be "Kumming And Going on Easy Terms"?).

Well, now. I think I would have paid some good money to see this one.

"No passion for Easter Bunny at church show"

The Associated Press
Updated: 9:37 a.m. ET April 08, 2004

GLASSPORT, Pa. - First, the Passion of the Christ. Now, the torment of the Easter Bunny?

It may not have been as gruesome as Mel Gibson’s movie, but many parents and children got upset when a church trying to teach about Jesus’ crucifixion performed an Easter show with actors whipping the Easter bunny and breaking eggs.

People who attended Saturday’s show at Glassport’s memorial stadium quoted performers as saying, “There is no Easter bunny,” and described the show as being a demonstration of how Jesus was crucified.

Melissa Salzmann, who brought her 4-year-old son J.T., said the program was inappropriate for young children. “He was crying and asking me why the bunny was being whipped,” Salzmann said.

Patty Bickerton, the youth minister at Glassport Assembly of God, said the performance wasn’t meant to be offensive. Bickerton portrayed the Easter rabbit and said she tried to act with a tone of irreverence.

“The program was for all ages, not just the kids. We wanted to convey that Easter is not just about the Easter bunny, it is about Jesus Christ,” Bickerton said.

Performers broke eggs meant for an Easter egg hunt and also portrayed a drunken man and a self-mutilating woman, said Jennifer Norelli-Burke, another parent who saw the show in Glassport, a community about 10 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.

“It was very disturbing,” Norelli-Burke said. “I could not believe what I saw. It wasn’t anything I was expecting.”

Song of the day: "Bring the Noise" - Public Enemy and Anthrax.

Now here's a tip: Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit is a lot of fun. As with all Trivial Pursuit games, it can get quite competitive. Thirty minutes into a game people are calling each other "loser" and such. Good times, kids...good times.

I'm back at work. No one seems to understand that I've been gone for a week. This would be the reason why I can't tell anyone what's been going on. If I am asked another question that pertains to said week, I'm just going to start screaming. It's not a hard concept. Everyone knew I was gone. There was a mass email sent out to the entire corporation. I didn't take phone calls or pages. I didn't show up to any meetings or any of my regularly scheduled shifts. We had to draft underage workers from Bangladesh to fill shifts. Even with all of this, people still don't get it. Why am I surprised?

Song of the day: "Army of Me" - Bjork.

I'm on vacation this week. This is the first vacation I've had since I started this job in July. Oh, it's great. What am I doing on this break? Traveling somewhere? No. Having my quarterly clothes shopping spree? No. Writing The Great American Novel? No. I'm doing...

N O T H I N G.

So far I've managed to rent some movies, clean the house, eat chocolate cake, make some mix CD's, listen to a copious amount of Primus and sleep a lot. The pager is off, the door is locked, and I haven't had to fill out a single report or adhere to a schedule of any kind. It's been divine. At the rate I'm going I may have some energy to celebrate this weekend before the fun is all over.

Song of the day: "Today Was a Good Day" - Ice Cube.

Celebrity sighting! Well, kinda. I saw The Reverend Horton Heat at Recycled Sounds last weekend. He was hogging the new arrivals bin. I think he and his entourage picked up on the fact that I recognized him (I cleverly told Jason while holding an LP over our faces), and from that point on they kept looking at us expectantly as if we were going to rush him for an autograph or something. I saw him ten years ago. He was ok. I'm not really into that whole rockabilly thing.

I also went to see an exhibit of John Lennon's drawings and hand written lyrics this weekend. Most of them were for sale, and I really wished I had a wad of cash to blow. I've never really been into collecting things, but you have to admit having the lyrics to "Nowhere Man" penned by the man himself would be pretty damn cool. Anyone who has about $700 to donate to this cause can email me.

Song of the day: "Angry White Boy Polka" - Weird Al.

Recent Observations - 99% Accuracy 100% of The Time!

* Have you noticed that no employees at Lens Crafters wear glasses? Is that not strange?

* The world was is quite a bit of disarray this weekend - Red Square was burning, any country you can name that starts with the letter "I" was riddled with suicide bombings, Libya was accusing other countries of having leaked nuclear information, etc. What was on CNN? A report (that I saw 3 times in one hour) about some robot race in California that none of the robots won. Oh, and another report countering the health benefits of soy (I guess although it will help with menopausal hot flashes, it will also increase your propensity for breast cancer). Remember when CNN would have exhaustive coverage of any international SNAFU? Granted, it got a little overwhelming, but at least the viewers were up to speed with information.

* The French swear they've almost captured Osama bin Laden several times. "But I am le tired!"

* I love John Vanderslice so much I have to see him one more time on tour. The last show before San Fran is in Grinnel, Iowa in April. I will be making the pilgrimage. Oh, happy day!

* This one may apply to Lee's Summit High School graduates only, but do you ever really stop to think about how crazy your high school experience was? I spend a lot of time posturing about how when I was a kid we were never as crazy as kids are today (I have sisters in high school - you would not believe some of the stuff that goes on these days), but when I actually stop and think about it, it was pretty bad. Twisted, even.



* Tabla Rasa will be performing at Saturday's march in Kansas City. All former Bearcats in the area should go and support those nice young men.

* Do you need a quick pick-me-up, but your favorite addiction isn't readily available? Try listening to "Float On" by Modest Mouse. That song cheers me up even after I've watched "The 700 Club".

Song of the day: "Joyless, Joyless" - Minus Story

Oh, John Vanderslice was great. Okkervil River played too long and they were weird to boot. Minus Story, a Larry Town band, was surprisingly talented. The crowd was small and relatively well behaved. Now would be a good time to review Observations of Indie Rock Shows, a handy reference guide provided by yours truly.

One point: John Vanderslice is so polite. I was there for sound check (you think I'd miss a chance to see him in the raw?), and he thanked the sound engineers profusely. That's rare. He's very gracious and thoughtful. I'm sure he has his moments, but all in all, a fine gentleman. And he brings The Rock. Oh yeah. It was definitely worth staying up until 2 am.

Song of the day: "Pale Horse" - John Vanderslice.

"Nature is a language...can't you read?"

Today it is rainy and cold...The Smith's Listening Weather as I like to call it. Radiohead, Sigur Ros and The Cure also fit nicely. So queue your CD player, put on a cardigan, smoke a cigarette and look wistfully out the window thinking of days gone by. Scribble furtively in a journal if you want to take it that far. Quote James Joyce. Be pretentious. It's Wednesday, after all...

Song of the day: "Half a Person" - The Smiths.

I saw Mel Gibson's "The Passion of Christ" this weekend. I was hesitant to see it; "Jesus of Nazareth" and the like usually put me into hysterical sobbing jags which are difficult to recover from. I'm not an overtly religious person, but it's moving none the less. Not really the case with this one. I found it arrogant, the accuracy (according to The Gospels) was questionable, and unnecessarily violent. I realize the crucifixion is a gory subject, but the way it was presented was unbelievable. Christ may have been divine, but his body was earthly, and the unending flogging and such that transposed in this interpretation is medically impossible to survive. If the goal was to win over souls, it's not going to happen. The movie dropped you right into Gesthemane, with little background or explanation from that point forward. Were you not familiar with the biblical accounts, you'd have no idea what was happening. Gibson took large dramatic license with many of the events portrayed, and the resurrection was rather like any death scene from the "Star Wars" saga mixed with "Terminator". So yeah, not impressed.

This week our Internet Explorer crapped out on us. After much weeping and gnashing of teeth, we realized we didn't need to chuck our computer over a cliff - we could just use the MSN web browser. And then the sucking began. I guess it's better than nothing, or better than getting a new CPU, or better than trying to locate the Internet Explorer program disk (which is probably in a landfill in Maryville, Missouri, unfortunately), but it's pretty lame. There are very few practical features, and I'm sick of looking at that damn butterfly all the time. Please join me in a rousing rendition of John Vanderslice's "Bill Gates Must Die".

British Sea Power will be at The Bottleneck next week. I have to work. I am not happy about this. However, John Vanderslice will be there on the 8th, and I am taking two days off from work to properly enjoy the show. John and I will rock like there's no upcoming election that will determine the state of the free world.

Speaking of elections, this whole gay marriage thing is really heating up, eh? I've never given California much credit; these are the people who brought you Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and Blink 182, but this is rather an important leap into civilized society.

We're finally hooking up with good friends Brian and Steven tonight - for the first time in almost a year. Much celebrating and eating of Italian food will ensue. A good time will be had by all.

Song of the day: "The World In My Eyes" - The Cure (covering Depeche Mode)

Here are some points I've been meaning to make recently:

* Have you heard "Basketball Jones" by Cheech and Chong? Yeah. That's what Jack "Crap Stripes" White sounds like.

* Reservations for dinner on Valentine's Day are always a good idea. I will remember this for future celebrating.

* Being a responsible adult with a house has it's downfalls. Like when you open all the windows to air out the bleach smell after you clean like a banshee, and somehow the wind blows out the pilot light and you have no hot water. No hot water = no showers. Oh, the humanity.

* "Frozen fog" is a new meteorological term. What does that mean? Like if you walk outside you'll be frozen in one position due to the fog enveloping your entire body? I'm not buying it.

* Man, Sepultura kicked some major ass back in the day. You should start listening to them again.

* You see, I have a fetish for bad, bad music. So, in the interest of public disclosure, I have these Mp3's on my computer:

- "Prince Ali" from Aladdin

- "Stigmata Martyr" - Bauhaus

- a lot of Bon Jovi

- "One Night In Bangkok" - Chess

- "Disco Duck" - Rick Dees

- "Gimme That Nut" - Eazy E

- "In the Ghetto" - Elvis Presley

- "The Final Countdown" - Europe

- "Old Man River" - Frank Sinatra

- "Army of Me" - Helmet

- "Big Pimpin' (unplugged, even)" - Jay Z

- "Turbo Lover" - Judas Priest

- "Pass the Dutchie" - Musical Youth

- "She's Like the Wind" - Patrick Swayze (I did not download that, seriously.)

- "Faded" - Soul Decision

- "Orbital B-Bop" - Q-Feel

- "Winds of Change" - The Scorpions

- "Bang a Gong" - T Rex

- "Love Song" - Tesla

- "Courtesy of the Red White and Blue" - Toby Keith

- "If You Could Only See" - Tonic

- "Africa" - Toto

- "Right Now" - Van Halen

- "Too Cold" - Vanilla Ice and Korn

- "Miami" - Will Smith

* It's the fucking weekend. Amen to that.

Song of the day: "Gimme Danger" - The Stooges

Go see "Monster". It's really good.

Song of the day: "Warrior" - Public Image Limited.

Oh hell yes. More recent observations.

* Forecasted winter storms and the panic that ensues have replaced Cold War Fear in the Midwest. Honestly people, it's snow and ice - not something that will destroy life as we know it. (Unless you're a homeless person.)

* So everyone has their panties in a wad over this Super Bowl Janet Jackson breast exposure. Was no one offended by the American flag poncho Kid Rock had on? Let's discuss priorities, shall we?

* I went to my sister's senior night drill team performance last weekend. It was at the half time of a basketball game. Before hand, we walk in and see the Junior ROTC saluting the American flag while saying "Sieg Hiel". Were I not so shocked, I would have enjoyed the parallel between ROTC and the Hitler Youth.

* Here's a fun experiment: Just randomly say "Steve Perry" (Journey) to people of the 70's/80's generation and compile a percentage of how many explode into spontaneous laughter. It will happen more than you think. (Props to Kristy Berry and The Loop for this one.)

* It occurred to me today that when listening to music from my formative years, I don't really get that excited about Pearl Jam. I listened to them with much passion back in the day, but now they seem rather watered down and pedestrian.

* "Tiny Vessels" by Death Cab For Cutie is hands down the saddest song I have ever heard. Just thinking about it, embarrassingly enough, chokes me up. This is rather awkward when I'm in meetings, at gas stations, etc. It's the kind of song that you hope all your ex's hear and then realize you would have written it about them if Ben Gibbard hadn't beat you to it.

* John Kerry is in the lead. Hm.

Song of the day: "Out of the Races..." - The Rapture. God, I love that band. Unnaturally so.