Today I was trying to close the books for the department, and that always stresses me out. Reconciling money is always a shaky thing. On top of that, I was coming down off of my Vicodin/Diet Dr. Pepper morning cocktail, and using valuable brain cells scheming ways to get out of work before 5. So of course some damn co-worker comes up to my desk, bubbling with panic and pleading with me to save her or some such nonsense. Seeing that she had just come from the computer room, I halfheartedly feigned concern and asked what was wrong. Evidently, FireFox wasn't "on" the computer she was using. Not really understanding what the issue was, because Safari is installed on all the computers, I asked why she needed FireFox as a specific web browser. Would you like to know what the reason was? Because, of course, she needed to check her Gmail.

Duh.

I explained that Safari would work just as well (maybe better).

I went back to my desk, turned up my iTunes and painstakingly crunched numbers in a concerted effort to not cook the books, all the while wondering why she hadn't even bothered to thank me. What's that expression, again? Taken for granted? What's even more aggravating is the solution I provided should be obvious to anyone and everyone.

And this person makes a dollar more an hour than I do.

Yesterday my boss, who is a very business-like-seriously-intelligent-no-time-for-messing-around type, who I've worked with for nearly four months and have no idea her husband's name (I'm not complaining - I actually prefer it), who understands that she and I don't have to make small talk ever - we just discuss work and get it done, asked me if I'd seen "The Big Lebowski". I had to profess no. I spent the rest of the afternoon wondering why she'd seen it. I don't really know what's it's about, but the people I know who are way into it are nothing like her. It was kind of odd.

She also brought me taffy from Oregon.

I suppose I should get her a Boss's Day card. She's a pretty good boss after all.

How did the survey know I was a woman? Hm...

Attention ladies, underage girls, and federal investigators posing as underage boys:

Lest you get desperate about your dating rut, this is what's out there on the internet.

Song of the day: "Fool's Paradise" - Buddy Holly

Taken from Truth Explosion, because I feel the exact same way...

Dear Mr. Gibbard,

Seriously Ben, have you been following me around these past few years or so? I’ve been listening to your albums for only a short while now, but this question has been plaguing me the whole time. Here’s the thing though… up until a few minutes ago I didn’t know exactly what the question was. I would listen and listen to song after song and would perpetually be focused on the place I couldn’t quite put my finger on, thinking and thinking, thinking and thinking, thinking and thinking…

I think it was in the middle of Different Names For The Same Thing… I was lost in the warmth of a past memory and with the sudden clarity of a match being struck in the dark, it hit me. The proverbial “aha!” moment as it were, where I saw the forest for the trees.

Something in your music never fails to snatch me back to other times… happy times, sad times, times of depth… all these moments that I’ll never let go of … I know it’s sounds silly, but I listen to your albums and I get this feeling like you’ve been following me around through the years and have been writing songs loosely based on my life… where you changed just enough details to avoid being accused of cribbing ideas.

Like how I first heard Transatlanticism at the time when the two and a half hours of driving distance between me and my love was filling my head with a simple sentiment… I need you so much closer… It wasn’t hard chalking it up to mere coincidence then.

But now? When the love of my life has become an immutable source of continuity in my existence, someone I see with me for the rest of my days and I find my thoughts touching on the fact that one day we will have no choice but to say goodbye… how can I help but to find a sort of synchronicity between this and my receipt of your new Plans disc? I felt almost haunted listening to songs like Soul Meets Body, I Will Follow You Into The Dark and What Sarah Said. It seemed as though you knew exactly where I was going to be at, what I was going to be feeling going through this time, and you wrote these songs, that way on purpose so I’d have a perfect mirror to listen to when the time came.

Of course the whole he-has-been-stalking-me-for-lyrical-substance perspective could be rooted in abject narcissism. Well… ok, I’m sure it looks that way to the outside observer but we know the truth, don’t we Ben? Just don't forget to start sending the royalty checks to me, first name Cain, last name Arsenault, ok?

Cain Arsenault

Song of the day: "Soul Meets Body" - Death Cab

Quite possibly the most unnecessary article ever written...

"Firms with Bush ties snag Katrina deals"

Oh, what a surprise...

"Sitting with her daughter and other relatives, Trolkyn Joseph, 37, said men had wandered the cavernous convention center in recent nights raping and murdering children. She said she found a dead 14-year old girl at 5 a.m. on Friday morning, four hours after the young girl went missing from her parents inside the convention center. 'She was raped for four hours until she was dead,' Joseph said through tears. 'Another child, a seven-year old boy was found raped and murdered in the kitchen freezer last night.'"

And to make everyone feel a little better, how about a blast from our web past?

'An old man in a chaise lounge lay dead in a grassy median as hungry babies wailed around him. Around the corner, an elderly woman lay dead in her wheelchair, covered up by a blanket, and another body lay beside her wrapped in a sheet.

"I don't treat my dog like that," 47-year-old Daniel Edwards said as he pointed at the woman in the wheelchair.

"You can do everything for other countries, but you can't do nothing for your own people," he added. "You can go overseas with the military, but you can't get them down here."'

"God Punishing GIs Over Gays"

I don't even know what to say about this...probably just the typical "Fred Phelps will burn in hell for eternity" type of stuff so many of us Kansas City types have gotten so used to saying.

"For other fans, like Dorian Baxter, founder of Christ the King, Graceland Independent Anglican Church in Ontario, Canada, this is more of a pilgrimage.

"Elvis has been a great instrument to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ," said Baxter, a reverend who often performs in Elvis garb as "Elvis Priestly."

"And coming to Memphis in August," continued Baxter, dressed in a white linen suit and black silk shirt, "is just my way of paying respect to the man whose music has helped me bring people to the Lord."

If only you could see the look of contempt on my face right now...

Jason Sheets and I had the most long, drawn out ending to our marriage. It went on for years, despite new relationships, forced joint employment to keep us both out of poverty and vague excuses to family members. I finally cut the cord in February, even thought the initial separation had happened years earlier. The trip from Kansas to California was one of the most painful things I had ever done, because I knew at that point that part of my life was pretty much over. I listened to a lot of Death Cab on that trip, especially "Title and Registration". And what do you know? Death Cab has made a video for that song that is remarkably similar to what I experienced on that trip (excluding the near death experience on a mountain in New Mexico). Anyway, check it out...

Ok, so I'm the biggest slacker in the world with this blog. I used to post everyday back when I was youthful and full of ideals and such. Anyway, here are some updates:

*I saw Tom Waits at Safeway. Shopping. While his wife waited in their "I have a small dick so I overcompensate with my auto" SUV.

*I, along with Lisa Ann(e) Carbone, plan to take over the world. Quite soon. We've been having all kinds of meetings at work about it, and no one seems the least bit suspicious. Shout out to the BI folks and all that jazz.

*Bolton's in the U.N., y'all. Ha.

*I scored a previously undiscovered version of "Macarthur Park" at Amoeba last weekend. I found it in the discount 7" bin. It's recorded by a band called The Surprise Package, and it's all organ-y and such. Oh, you thought the Richard Harris version was bad. You ain't heard nothing yet... Now if only Gary Puckett has covered "Ruby Don't Take Your Love To Town"! That would be quite exciting.

*"Lost" is one hell of a show. I would recommend it.

*There's an autographed poster of Ween on the right of our computer desk. On the back wall facing me, there's an "Eraserhead" poster. On the left is a Nirvana poster. I think it's all a great plot by Jason to make me feel so uncomfortable back here I won't stay up all night playing online bingo.

Song of the day: "I Believe" - Stevie Wonder

Have fun, stay single.

Listen here, oh despairing single friends: Being in a serious relationship is overrated. Ninety percent of the time it's not even enjoyable. It's nothing but uneven compromise and injured emotions. It's a lot of hard work for very little, if any, reward...and it's not like you can transfer those reward points to your next account, if you catch my drift. Just listen to any Death Cab album.

"I became what I always hated/
when I was with you then..."

"There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade/
and now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all/
and here I rest where disappointment and regret collide/
lying awake at night..."

"All I see are dark grey clouds/
in the distance moving closer with every hour/
so when you ask "was something wrong?"/
I think "you're damn right there is/
but we can't talk about it now."

And if anyone would know, it would be Ben Gibbard...let's all join in for a rousing chorus of "The Sound of Settling".

Pack the sunblock...we should head up to Indie Rock Summer Camp y'all..

(courtesy of this Charming Man)

Song of the day: "Cruel Summer" - Bananarama

In heavy rotation...

* Spoon - Gimmie
* Beck - Guero
* David Bowie - anything
* Coheed and Cambria - anything
* Death Cab - Transatlanticism (quite possibly a perfect album)
* Buddy Holly - anything

Not in heavy rotation...

* The newish Mooney Suzuki
* The newish Tori Amos (sorry to say)
* The new Coldplay (it's been done, dude)
* The new John Vanderslice single (it may be a bad upcoming year for music, kids)

Blogs are so 2003.

"Reality Show Will Find New INXS Singer"

Kinda rude, isn't it?