Things that are not fair: Death Cab and John Vanderslice touring in Europe together.

"Sometimes that dream is a sad delusion, but sometimes it's true..." - Exodus Revolution, John Vanderslice.

See that little square cartoon of me to your right? That's an incorrect representation, because I no longer smoke.

Those of you who have known me in my midwestern life, please clean up whatever you spit out of your nose while reading the previous sentence.

After today, and well...after this week...or month...can someone give me one good damn reason to not smoke? And don't pull the "so you grow old and see your grandkids" bit, because I'm not looking forward to weekend benders at Chucky Cheese with Botox leaking out of my forehead.

And you shouldn't either.

Rant about work: #3 or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

The company I work for, which shall remain nameless, has produced another money-grubbing (i.e. - fund development) groveling piece to recruit uneasy liberals to fork over some of their winery earnings. These earnings go to such staples for the developmentally disabled such as: galleries to showcase their "artwork", independent living skills facilitators who can't teach worth crap because many of them have questionable pasts that include The Dead and lotsa drugs, and of course, monetary loans to go on company sponsored vacations to HAWAII. Oh yeah, that's teaching responsibility indeed.

Never mind that most of the clients are filthy, in questionable health, obese, unemployed and illiterate. But I suppose that's their choice.

Lo, I digress.

Anyway, so there's the new fund development film. Somehow, someone got Demi Moore to narrate this fine piece of kiss-ass. Really. Couldn't they find another has been actress that at least has some cred in this department? Where's Juliette Lewis? At least she's played a retard before.

Not all is terrible. I work with some cool gentlemen - Ed and Michael. They make me mix cds and proclaim my efficiency and hep cat status to anyone and everyone. Little bright spots, I tell ya.

Song o' the day: "This Place is a Prison" - Postal Service

Rant about work: #2

I have been at my current job for six months. I get evaluated twice in my first year; once at the three month mark, then again at the six month mark. I am evaluated by my entire staff as well as any other random department, organization, etc., I may deal with. I have kept this in mind since my first day. At my three month evaluation, there was not a single negative remark or area of improvement. It was nothing but glowing praise from everyone. Let me assure you, I busted my ass to get that evaluation too.

For this next evaluation, I was told by my supervisor that she "didn't want to sort through all the good comments" and this time my evaluation would consist of a half sheet of paper with one question..."What can Maggie improve upon?".

I'm sure, because my supervisor is the director of the department, and has been with the company for almost thirty years, and has worked her way up from the lowest position to the highest, she must understand it is good management to reward and encourage your employees, especially if they deserve it.

This must be an oversight.

Rant about work: #1

You know, I don't think it's funny to randomly shout numbers when someone is auditing the petty cash drawer and counting nickels. In fact, I think it's quite rude.

The person shouting has a "WWJD" award-type ribbon hanging up in her office. Can you get an award ribbon for asking a rhetorical question?

Best quote of all time from this person: (this was during a discussion of the looting occurring in New Orleans after the hurricane) "I know I'm a Christian woman, but I would shoot anyone who was stealing stuff out of those stores. It's just wrong, and they know it." I wanted to bring up that pesky "thou shall not kill" bit, but was too shocked to open my mouth.

Song of the day: "God's Love" - Bad Religion.

Tonight begins a new season of 24. Although it will be predictable and stale, I am giddy none the less.

"An Australian woman will face court charged with repeatedly stabbing her partner because he played an Elvis Presley song over and over again, police said Tuesday."

I find this to be completely justifiable. When I expressed this to Jason, he brought up my constant compulsion with "MacArthur Park" (including various recordings of it)and how he had never contemplated violence. The implication that Richard Harris and Elvis are musically in the same ring of hell is preposterous. Richard Harris had one hit, and now that he has passed on into Grade B Actors Heaven, no one spots him at 7 Eleven.

Elvis will never die. That poor woman knew that, and tried bravely to rid her house of smarmy oily music that brings nausea to any self-respecting rock-n-roll fan. I, for one, support her!

My resolution this year, besides being the best ME I can possibly be, is to blagh more. Nine days into the year and this is as far as I've gotten.

Maybe inspiration will strike unexpectedly.

Best album of the year so far that I got for Christmas: Beastie Boys Greatest Hits (excluding all offensive material)

Best song off the best album of the year so far that I got for Christmas: "Brass Monkey". Kick it old school, yo.

Save Our Bluths!

Song of the day: "Afternoon Delight" - Starland Vocal Band

I witnessed a miraculous act of God this weekend. More to come.

So previous to my attending "Purple Rain" live, I had never seen the movie. I got in trouble in first grade for having the record, though, because it had references to s-e-x. Let me tell you, that is one awful, terrible movie. I mean, it's up there with "Pod People", "Manos, the Hands of Fate" and "When a Man Loves a Woman". I'm estimating there were about fifteen plot lines, many of which were never resolved, and if you thought Prince was a bad actor, you should see Morris Day (and the Motherfucking Time). So many questions...like why was Prince still living at home? And was his father Ike Turner?

However, the cast who played the characters live were great. "Prince" could actually dance and writhe all over the stage and look angsty, and "Apallonia" actually did the nude scenes (a la pasties). The music, of course, was totally taking everyone back. People were dancing like it was 1999, y'all. It's been a long time since I had that much fun.

I have just been notified that Vanilla Ice did a "Purple Rain" type movie called "Cool as Ice". Now I have to see it. That's the kind of trainwreck I so love!

Song of the day: "A Love Bizzare" - Prince and Sheila E

Lately, I've seen some great live stuff. Slint, The Standard, Spoon, Nada Surf, John Vanderslice, Sigur Ros, Death Cab for Cutie, and that homeless guy with the banjo on Haight Street. But I don't think anything will top seeing Purple Rain done Rocky Horror style. At the gay country weekend getaway club. Oh hell yes. They have go-go boys!

Song of the day: "Hung Up" - Madonna (it's a damn sample, stop your bitching)

True Majority clarifies a few issues...

Today I was trying to close the books for the department, and that always stresses me out. Reconciling money is always a shaky thing. On top of that, I was coming down off of my Vicodin/Diet Dr. Pepper morning cocktail, and using valuable brain cells scheming ways to get out of work before 5. So of course some damn co-worker comes up to my desk, bubbling with panic and pleading with me to save her or some such nonsense. Seeing that she had just come from the computer room, I halfheartedly feigned concern and asked what was wrong. Evidently, FireFox wasn't "on" the computer she was using. Not really understanding what the issue was, because Safari is installed on all the computers, I asked why she needed FireFox as a specific web browser. Would you like to know what the reason was? Because, of course, she needed to check her Gmail.

Duh.

I explained that Safari would work just as well (maybe better).

I went back to my desk, turned up my iTunes and painstakingly crunched numbers in a concerted effort to not cook the books, all the while wondering why she hadn't even bothered to thank me. What's that expression, again? Taken for granted? What's even more aggravating is the solution I provided should be obvious to anyone and everyone.

And this person makes a dollar more an hour than I do.

Yesterday my boss, who is a very business-like-seriously-intelligent-no-time-for-messing-around type, who I've worked with for nearly four months and have no idea her husband's name (I'm not complaining - I actually prefer it), who understands that she and I don't have to make small talk ever - we just discuss work and get it done, asked me if I'd seen "The Big Lebowski". I had to profess no. I spent the rest of the afternoon wondering why she'd seen it. I don't really know what's it's about, but the people I know who are way into it are nothing like her. It was kind of odd.

She also brought me taffy from Oregon.

I suppose I should get her a Boss's Day card. She's a pretty good boss after all.

How did the survey know I was a woman? Hm...

Attention ladies, underage girls, and federal investigators posing as underage boys:

Lest you get desperate about your dating rut, this is what's out there on the internet.

Song of the day: "Fool's Paradise" - Buddy Holly

Taken from Truth Explosion, because I feel the exact same way...

Dear Mr. Gibbard,

Seriously Ben, have you been following me around these past few years or so? I’ve been listening to your albums for only a short while now, but this question has been plaguing me the whole time. Here’s the thing though… up until a few minutes ago I didn’t know exactly what the question was. I would listen and listen to song after song and would perpetually be focused on the place I couldn’t quite put my finger on, thinking and thinking, thinking and thinking, thinking and thinking…

I think it was in the middle of Different Names For The Same Thing… I was lost in the warmth of a past memory and with the sudden clarity of a match being struck in the dark, it hit me. The proverbial “aha!” moment as it were, where I saw the forest for the trees.

Something in your music never fails to snatch me back to other times… happy times, sad times, times of depth… all these moments that I’ll never let go of … I know it’s sounds silly, but I listen to your albums and I get this feeling like you’ve been following me around through the years and have been writing songs loosely based on my life… where you changed just enough details to avoid being accused of cribbing ideas.

Like how I first heard Transatlanticism at the time when the two and a half hours of driving distance between me and my love was filling my head with a simple sentiment… I need you so much closer… It wasn’t hard chalking it up to mere coincidence then.

But now? When the love of my life has become an immutable source of continuity in my existence, someone I see with me for the rest of my days and I find my thoughts touching on the fact that one day we will have no choice but to say goodbye… how can I help but to find a sort of synchronicity between this and my receipt of your new Plans disc? I felt almost haunted listening to songs like Soul Meets Body, I Will Follow You Into The Dark and What Sarah Said. It seemed as though you knew exactly where I was going to be at, what I was going to be feeling going through this time, and you wrote these songs, that way on purpose so I’d have a perfect mirror to listen to when the time came.

Of course the whole he-has-been-stalking-me-for-lyrical-substance perspective could be rooted in abject narcissism. Well… ok, I’m sure it looks that way to the outside observer but we know the truth, don’t we Ben? Just don't forget to start sending the royalty checks to me, first name Cain, last name Arsenault, ok?

Cain Arsenault

Song of the day: "Soul Meets Body" - Death Cab

Quite possibly the most unnecessary article ever written...

"Firms with Bush ties snag Katrina deals"

Oh, what a surprise...