And if the previous link baffled you, then Rosie O'Donnell's Blog should just plain piss you off. How did she get so far in life being so extremely challenged? From the looks of this blog, I doubt she could sign any contracts without a "special helper".

There are a lot of things in this world that make me really uncomfortable. Having someone carry on a conversation with you as they address you by a name not your own. Realizing you've been walking around for god knows how long with toilet paper stuck to your shoe. Standing behind someone in line at a restaurant trying to order from a menu not in their native language. Watching men cry. Especially big strong testosteroney men cry. And reading an interview where the "journalist" tries to convert Joey Ramone to Christianity. I think I've seen it all now.

Nothing rules more than a backwards countdown to a chorus that includes the line "...and kick my shit so hiiiiiiiiigh...". It's the kind of thing that is best sung while driving around town and night with a cig in one hand and the other playing air guitar (the picking kind). Who can offer this to you? Why Sunset Valley, of course!

Song of the day: "G.B.78.S." - Sunset Valley.

Abstinence Only is simply the most direct and practical faith-fucking site I've seen in years. I should really forward it to my little sisters in that all important "sisterly advice" kinda way.

Song of the day: "Orignial Sinsuality" - Tori Amos

I found this article while meandering around tonight. It's H.S. Thompson's September 12, 2001, article for ESPN.com. It's an interesting sliver of perspective.

This is why I'm never getting pregnant...things like this happen to me...

"The pontiff frequently condemned homosexual activity, and the Vatican launched a global campaign against same-sex marriage. In addition, the pope's condemnation of contraceptives was an affront to HIV-prevention advocates worldwide."

Yet George Bush called him "a champion of human freedom". I suppose he would think that, considering his attitudes and all.

"Their records only sold modestly, but 1980s British rock band The Smiths inspired unwavering loyalty from their fans -- and now, 18 years after they split, an entire academic conference devoted to their music and lyrics."


This would probably be a good thing for me to go to, considering I unfailingly misunderstand all Smiths lyrics...constructing entire interpretations of songs based on the misheard phrase "slender knees". It's quite embarrassing, actually.

ATTENTION, PEOPLE WHO CANNOT STOP THEMSELVES FROM WATCHING 24 NO MATTER HOW LUDICROUSLY IMPROBABLE THE PLOT GETS (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)



This link's for you...

Ha.

Song of the day: "Killed by the Cowboy President" - Rum Diary.

Normally very hip and way ahead of everyone else, I've decided to immerse myself in the life and times of Elliott Smith. I find him very intriguing, even though if we had met in his short time here, I probably would have told him to buck up and be a man. Still...one of those men I would have been mistaken to think I could save.

Song of the day: "Pretty Ugly" - Elliott Smith

You know, I'm usually a "like whatever music you want to" kinda person...Publicly admitting to a Barry Manilow and Destiny's Child fetish, and it's cool. But here's the deal: I feel like a loser listening to System of a Down. Fundamentally, they're not a bad band, but when I'm bebopping to them while, say, writing cover letters, it's kinda corny. Even more corny because the only other people I know who listen to them are those skinny goth pre-teens that skulk around neighborhoods at night with their headphones on. You know the ones I'm talking about...heavy on the eyeliner, shops at Hot Topic, has a name like "Brittany" or "Amber" or "Chamerlain", which is most decidedly NOT GOTH.

Song of the day: "Midnight Radio" - Hedwig...oh yeah, you should see that movie again tonight. It's so coolio.

"They say every form of refuge has it's price..."

After a week and half in my new life, the "vacation-y" type of excitement has worn off. Practicality, stability and survival have set in...and they're an awfully heavy burden. Although I am in a community not unlike where I grew up, my surroundings seem foreign, as if I'm unable to find north.

Song of the day: "Spider in the Snow" - Dismemberment Plan

We're finally off the road, safe and sound in Santa Rosa. It's beautiful, quiet and clean, which is always good. I have links and such for further photo essays on the sins of Las Vegas, but am too strung out to do a big cutting and pasting job (that's what eight days on the road will get you). I promise I will get it all posted one of these days (after I start looking for a job). In the meantime, everyone take care!

Song of the day: "Home Sweet Home" - Poison

Check it out:

Pics from vacation

"But the truth is I have no faith in happiness
It turns to fear, draws the devils near
So I jumped the fence
And went out west..."

- John Vanderslice, "White Plains" -

Talk to you all next from California...

Recent Observations: The Last Midwest Edition

* Contrary to what you may hear, "Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" and "Pauly Shore Is Dead" are really quite funny.

* Whatever happened to Grandaddy?

* Against my better judgment, I watched the coverage of the inauguration. My favorite channel coverage was FOX, where the reporter stationed with the protesters misquoted them chanting "Hey George how are you feeling today" when the were actually saying "Hey George how many kids have you killed today". Shep Shepard, responding to the reporter said, "I don't think so". It was humorous.

* At the maturely styled McDonald's on Iowa there is no feminine hygiene vending machine in the women's bathroom. There is, however, a large bin of wetnaps in the lobby.

* Let's discuss Elliott Smith for a moment. I recently read an article in "Magnet" about his final year or so. Mental illness, fueled by vague memories of childhood sexual abuse, compounded by a heavy rotation of drugs (prescription and otherwise) all lead to disaster. It's really quite sad and tragic. All of this does give a better understanding of the music on his last album. "A Fond farewell to a Friend" indeed.

* I am unnaturally obsessed with Coheed and Cambria. It's emocore done right. I think the main reason I like them is because it's so much fun to sing along. Grab a brush or a cell phone, use it as a mic, and knock yourself out. A good time will be had by all.

* "The future is unwritten." - Joe Strummer

* Tori has a new album and autobiography coming out this month. Now that's exciting.

* You know, I like to support independent establishments. While eating at an upscale locally owned restaurant the other day, a strange thought crossed my mind. I know that it's owned by a middle-aged couple, and they probably spend a good deal of time there. What is they get a bit randy and have marital relations in the facility? This thought expanded to imagining that it happens on the table I was eating off of. Oh man. I couldn't finish my ravioli pomidore.

* Richard Marx has a new album out. I'll race you to Best Buy. Ready...set...no, it's ok...if you want it that badly I'll just wait here...

* Please kindly check out Free Nachos, a blog by an acquaintance of mine, Scott C. Jones. Scott and I both lived, learned and loved in Lee's Summit and Maryville. Truthfully, I hardly know him...he's the "friend of a friend" kind of thing. But seeing as we both come from common backgrounds, we could probably work well in a nuclear holocaust or similar crisis situation because of shared perspective. Or something. Just check it out.

* Songs I can't live without today:

- "Down" 311

- "Touch You Touch You" Hot Hot Heat

- "Take This Job and Shove It" David Allen Coe

- "Macho Man" The Village People

- "The Joy of Your World" MC Paul Barman

- "Lookinglasself" Snapcase

For important news, go here.

I am not particularly serious about this blog. I used to be, in the glory days of '03, but I was a much different person at that time. I had all this fierce individualism and such...and now I'm just a demographic - "Adult Alternative". I kid you not. I've spent many a night in that stage between turning off the bedside lamp and full-force REM patterns composing a post about this. But yet...this is all I can manage to eek out.

Anyway, when I get around to explaining myself, you'll be the first to know.

Song of the day: "Mediocrity Rules" - Le Tigre (J.D. is real hot like)

"So this is a great job. And yet I'm quitting it, at least for now. I want to stop before I join the horde of people who think I used to be funnier. And I want to work on some other stuff."